permanently clever

in case you hadn't noticed...

2008-03-24T21:33:00.003-04:00

i think i'm pretty much done with blogging.

i don't know if i have less to say, if i'm too busy with other things (or websites), if i'm generally more happy and therefore feel less need to vent, or if i'm just too focused on what's coming next in life to think about writing something about today. probably a combination of all the above.

thank you to all who have bothered to read my 355 blog posts. i appreciate you!

i'll let you know if i ever start blogging again...

fare thee well and peace in all your doings.

kyle out.

american idol: a review of the boys on 70's night

2008-02-26T23:53:00.003-05:00

micheal johns: so, he's been my favorite for a while but i really thought he didn't do so well tonight. and, i picked up on the arrogance that some people have been commenting on. he kinda let me down tonight.

jason castro: i don't think he did as bad as the judges said. i liked his version of the song way better than the andy gibb. i do agree that he needs to come out there without the guitar. he's got a good voice but he is totally awkward in front of the camera when speaking. oh yeah, and dang, his eyes ... wow. good smile too.

luke menard: he totally did a "million percent" better this week. i think the voice suited his range much better. he's not a favorite but he's not bad. i don't think he'll make it to the top 12 by any means but i still want him to do well.

robbie carrico: i like him. he did all right. he sang it well but his motions during the song were a little weird. though, i'm getting tired of people questioning his rockerness. but i do think he should try, just once, a different style of song.

danny noriega: first i love him. then i think he's annoying. then i sorta love him again. he definitely does stand out and is interesting. i was surprised, though, when simon didn't tell him that the song was too old for him. i just thought it was weird that he chose that song.

david hernandez: when he started, i was like "oh no. this is a little painful" but he did really awesome by the end. i think he is definitely most improved! i agree with the judges that his voice is pure and some of the notes were just amazing.

jason yeager: i think the judges are way too harsh on him. i take back what i said about david, i thought jason was most improved. i thought he did really good with the song. he sounded like the original. it is true that it was only one note. and sadly, i don't think he'll get the chance to come back and try and prove himself again. i just think the judges were mean though.

chikezie: oh man. so good. perfect song choice. another great improvement. i knew he had it in him. i loved when he pointed at simon!

david cook: OHMYGOSH, I'M TOTALLY CRUSHING! i love david cook. a) he's midwestern b) he's cute c) i want to sit with him and do crosswords! we could absolutely be word nerds together. he might be my soul mate. simon is so wrong because i loved david before but that video sealed the deal for me. i don't know if he'll win but i definitely want him to be around a good long time so i can drool over him. and i think his talent is good enough that i don't have to worry about him leaving.

david archuleta: it's obvious he's a favorite. and he should be. i'm just like paula ... i just want to squeeze him and pinch his cheeks. he's just so nice. and WOW. i loved the way he sang 'imagine'. i was also thinking like simon that picking a john lennon song is really risky, especially that one. i think it was perfect that he didn't try to sing it like john did but did his own arrangement. it was just awesome. i love david archuleta.

overall, i like watching the boys much better than the girls and i think a boy is definitely going to win it this year.

my favorite day of the week

2008-02-20T11:54:00.001-05:00

the theme for this blog lately...

2008-02-18T08:12:00.000-05:00

if only it said 'blog entry' instead of picture!

one step closer to financial freedom

2008-02-12T23:01:00.002-05:00

i cut up a credit card tonight!!!

i've cancelled cards before but they're usually ones for stores that i didn't use terribly often and only opened for a discount (like old navy, victoria's secret and j.crew). but tonight, i cancelled a real credit card. one that i actually used quite frequently; often enough to earn rewards even. but, i really would rather live my life without being dependent on credit cards so it was quite a victory to deem one useless!

one down, one to go.

the greatest joy of my life:

2008-02-05T21:31:00.000-05:00

the hand dryers in the bathroom at the market fair movie theater!

you know what i mean...

XCELERATOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my prayer

2007-12-11T20:14:00.000-05:00

i'm notorious for using non-christian songs as my love songs for God. here's the latest installment. i was listening to this song yesterday and i realized that this is similiar to how i'm feeling about God. if you want a more elaborate description about how some of these images pertain to my current spiritual relationship, feel free to ask...

the lamp is burnin' low upon my table top
the snow is softly fallin'
the air is still within the silence of my room
i hear your voice softly callin'

if i could only have you near
to breathe a sigh or two
i would be happy just to hold the hands i love
upon this winter night with you

the smoke is rising in the shadows overhead
my glass is almost empty
i read again between the lines upon the page
the words of love you sent me

if i could know within my heart
that you were lonely too
i would be happy just to hold the hands i love
upon this winter night with you

the fire is dying now, my lamp is growing dim
the shades of night are liftin'
the mornin' light steals across my windowpane
where webs of snow are driftin'

if i could only have you near
to breathe a sigh or two
i would be happy just to hold the hands i love
and to be once again with you
to be once again with you

from "song for a winter's night"
sung popularly by sarah mclachlan
originally sung and written by gordon lightfoot

for my young friends who are afraid

2007-11-26T23:32:00.000-05:00

"... what you fear
will not go away: it will take you into
yourself and bless you and keep you.
that's the world, and we all live there."

- william stafford

my first completely vegetarian shopping trip

2007-11-06T14:30:00.000-05:00

sunday, i had my first shopping trip where i did not buy any kind of meat product. and i thought it was fairly successful.

here are two insights i have since had:

1. i don't know how to buy avocados. i have no idea when they are ripe or overripe. the last time i bought one, it was good. but very quickly turned brown after the first use. so i knew to use it all as soon as possible. but the one i bought on sunday, when i cut into it was already completely brown on the inside. uck.

2. i should have tried babaganoush some time in my life before i decided to buy it. uck.

is it okay to listen to christmas music yet?

2007-11-02T21:29:00.000-04:00

yes.

and i already have.

(mostly because i had an overwhelming desire to hear sarah mclachlan's "song for a winter's night")

my personal dna

2007-10-24T09:32:00.000-04:00

You are a Benevolent Artist.

about you
You are an Artist

Your appreciation of beauty, ability to think abstractly, and innovativeness make you an ARTIST.

Never one to be tied to a particular way of doing things, you let your imagination guide you in discovering different possibilities.

You would rather seek out new experiences than stick to your everyday habits, taking in as much of the world as possible.

Your eye for beauty and your willingness to consider different perspectives make your creative efforts interesting—even though you may not realize this yourself.

You prefer to think about things before voicing your opinion, considering a wide, diverse range of options.

While there are forms and styles that you prefer, you tend to keep an open mind when it comes to your artistic preferences.

You are curious about things, interested in the "why" more than the “how.”

You have an active imagination that leads you express yourself in a distinct way.

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

You tend to do things on the spur of the moment, not sticking to a set schedule.

If you want to be different:

Be more open to risks in your creative efforts, and don't be quick to dismiss the praise of others.

Think about how attention to detail may help you be more sure of yourself.

how you relate to others
You are Benevolent

You are a great person to interact with—understanding, giving, and trusting—in a word, BENEVOLENT

You don't mind being in social situations, as you feel comfortable enough with people to be yourself.

Your caring nature goes beyond a basic concern: you take the time to understand the nuances of people's situations before passing any sort of judgment.

You're a good listener, and even better at offering advice.

You're concerned with others at both an individual and societal level—you sympathize with the plights of troubled groups, and you can care about people you've never met.

Considering many different perspectives is something at which you excel, and you appreciate that quality in others.

Other people's feelings are important to you, and you're good at mediating disputes.

Because of your understanding and patience, you tend to bring out the best in people.

If you want to be different:

You spend a lot of time taking care of others, but don't forget to take care of yourself!

Sometimes you can get overcommitted, and when you sacrifice spending time with those close to you, it can make them feel unimportant.

turkeys!

2007-10-05T12:43:00.000-04:00

i have been seeing wild turkeys all over the place.
this shocks me!
in my four years here in new jersey, this is the first time i've seen turkeys.
even in kansas, if i saw a wild turkey, i saw one.
i'm seriously seeing flocks here.

the first time, i woke up to get ready for class and i looked out my window and saw two big brown lumps (i didn't have my contacts in so i couldn't discern very well yet). i knew it was an animal and my mind hearkened back to a dream i had recently that was chock full of animals i saw while looking out the same window (the animals included were an owl, a bison, a pig and a very weird cat .... no turkeys). anyhow, finally the brown lumps put their head up and i could tell it was two fairly large turkeys. then, as i was watching fascinated, three other big ol' turkeys came to join them. five! thus, the first sighting.

next, i was driving on alexander the other day, and at the curve where i usually spot the groundhog, there was a young turkey, smaller than the previous five but quite obviously a turkey.

and now, i'm looking out my window again and see lots of little turkeys. they are definitely not the first group i saw because they really are half the size. but there are five of them. maybe the first five turkeys all had turkey babies. although, these small ones look fairly self-sufficient and not newly born. or hatched.

so my questions are: where did these turkeys come from? why haven't i seen turkeys here before? and, what do turkeys eat?! because apparently we have it in the backyard of witherspoon.

random notes

2007-09-25T19:42:00.000-04:00

a. i'm stressed out already. i feel like all my hair should be grey.

b. changes in my class schedule: dropped pastoral care of congregations; added poetry and the care of souls with dr. capps; added practicum in youth ministry with dayle rounds

c. a jehovah's witness came into j.crew yesterday and while i was wrapping up her things, she offered my co-worker a magazine. my co-worker had never heard of jehovah's witnesses so he accepted a magazine that had cash on the front thinking it was a financial investment type magazine and proceeded to ask her if she had any details magazines. meanwhile, i'm on the side, trying not to laugh as my co-worker, who has no idea what a jehovah's witness is, is asking for a men's magazine from a jehovah's witness, who has no idea what that magazine is. it was immensely enterntaining to me as i was informing him on the little i knew about jehovah's witnesses after the lady had left.

d. the event mentioned in (c) led to a pretty cool religious conversation between my two co-workers and myself that were working in the same area. it was fascinating because between the three of us, we were a christian, a muslim and an orthodox jew. sounds like a joke, huh. did you ever hear the one about the jew, the christian and the muslim working at j.crew...

e. i really hope our refund checks come in this friday. that would hopefully alleviate some of my stress.

f. i have to go write my learning/serving covenant for field education now.

my schedule this semester

2007-09-15T15:50:00.000-04:00

to answer jenny's question from a while ago, here are my classes for the upcoming semester:

pc329 pastoral care of congregations with mcnish
monday 10:40-12:30

nt212 gospel of john with parsenios
tues./thurs. 11:40-12:55

ec409 american religion and american literature with pierce
tues. 1:30-3:20 and thurs. 1:30-2:20

ed101 introduction to teaching ministry with osmer
tues./thurs. 3:30-4:45

gm104 academic year field education at princeton united methodist church

i'll have you note that as of right now, i have no classes on wednesdays or fridays. i'm sure that will change a little once precepts are scheduled. i'm really looking forward to this semester. i've heard that yolanda pierce is absolutely amazing and this class is exactly her specialty. plus, i get to read fiction so i'm more likely to do all my reading! i've wanted to take another class with parsenios so i'm happy to be doing that. and, much to my amusement, i'm finally taking ed101 in my super senior year when i should have taken it my junior year. i'm very happy to be in a class with dr. osmer again. the pc of congregations was one that sounded interesting and fit into my schedule. there were plenty of other courses i wanted to take but they happened to be at the same time as my other classes so i feel i've done fairly well with balancing it all out. and, finally, i think my field ed. experience is going to be extremely positive and i'm so thankful for that!

my car is clapping his hands

2007-09-07T22:42:00.000-04:00

cause he's happy and he knows it!

so, i promised leon (my car) that if he took me 1.5 times across the country that i would buy him a fancy car wash. okay, so i know that my car really doesn't have a consciousness but i did feel bad for being back more than a week and not honoring my part of the bargain after leon so gallantly honored his end of the deal. so, today, after i cashed my paycheck, i did a little car pampering.

now, leon has a full tank of gas, changed oil and is vacuumed, dust-free and very shiny. he's so fresh and clean clean! although, if you ask me, the 'nu car' air freshener they used smells more like 'clean dog'. ah well, it's better than funk!

7,355 miles later...

2007-08-29T11:22:00.000-04:00

after 7,355 miles and 1,020 pictures, my road trip is complete.
back in jersey.
it was the best of times, it was the ... well, it never was the worst of times.
i had a great adventure!

coast to coast.
7 states i never visited before.
20 states in all.
4 states at once.
8 national parks.
4.25 audio books.
2 countries.
2 weddings.
hit it big in vegas. (and by big, i mean $14 over what i bet in total.)
old friends.
new friends.
completely broke now.

go here to see all my pictures. there have been some added since last time i posted. and, i organized them in order of newest to oldest. thanks for the tip jenny!

photos from my road trip

2007-08-19T01:12:00.001-04:00

hello friends! if you're interested in what i've been up to on my road trip, you can see photos here. but be forewarned: there are 789 photos so far. if you want a more pared down version, i think there are around 150 photos on my facebook group called "where in the world is kyle". also, you can expect more photos to be added because by my reckoning, i still have around 2000 more miles to go!

p.s. for some reason unbeknownst to me, when i added my photos to flickr they were not in the proper chronological order that i thought they would be. much as i wish they were, i don't know how nor do i have the time to fix that for you. sorry!

where i am and where i'm going to be

2007-08-04T23:57:00.000-04:00

hey friends! i've started my crazy cross-country roadtrip! i'm in montrose, colorado right now. here's my schedule in case you're interested in what i'm doing this month:

july 30: salina, ks

july 31 - august 3: parent's house in the country, ks

august 3: salina, ks

august 4-6: montrose, co

august 6: san francisco, ca (via arches national park, salt lake city, reno)

august 7-10: wawona, yosemite national park

august 10-12: las vegas, nv

august 12-14: grand canyon national park, az

august 14-16: cheyenne, wy

august 16-17: custer national park, mount rushmore, wall drug, sioux falls, sd (i will be camping somewhere or finding a cheap motel ... as yet to be determined)

august 17-19: chicago, il

august 19-20: niagara falls, canada side

august 20: freeport, me

august 21-???: acadia national park, me

i don't know yet how long i will stay in acadia. i'm planning to arrive back in princeton, nj on september 3rd at the latest.

if you would like better information, updates or to see photos, there's a facebook group called "where in the world is kyle?!". i'll totally add you!

here's what i've done this summer

2007-07-28T14:55:00.000-04:00

a.k.a. the long-awaited post-in-the-making

i've finally found the time to share with you a little about what my summer's been about. or, at least what i've done with my free time. i think i've found the time to post mostly because i'm having a bad day and figured this could cheer me a bit.

movies i’ve rented (that i remember):
the libertine
death to smoochy
lost in la mancha
identity
roman holiday
one flew over the cuckoo’s nest
high fidelity
say anything
girl, interrupted
calendar girls
a good year
the sisterhood of the travelling pants
the science of sleep
memento

movies i saw on the big screen:
knocked up
surf’s up
ocean’s thirteen
ratatouille
harry potter and the order of the phoenix
liscense to wed
no reservations
1408
transformers
evening
wild hogs
evan almighty
a mighty heart
pirates of the caribbean: at world’s end
shrek the third
the ex
spider-man 3
georgia rule
the last mimzy
singin’ in the rain
wallace and gromit
hoodwinked
over the hedge
curious george
barnyard
charlotte’s web

books i’ve read:
(* = book on cd)
practicing passion - kenda creasy dean
s.h.a.p.e. - erik rees
animal farm* - george orwell
1984* - george orwell
can you keep a secret* - sophie kinsella
the handbook for boys - walter dean myers
hush - jacqueline woodson
traveling mercies - anne lamott
pride and prejudice - jane austen
the dashwood sisters' secrets of love - rosie rushton
21 proms - 21 different authors sharing stories of proms
this is push: new stories from the edge - edited by david levithan
nick and norah's infinite playlist - david levithan and rachel cohn
marly's ghost - david levithan
wide awake - david levithan
children of God - mary doria russell
far from xanadu - julie anne peters
hoot - carl hiaasen
snow crash - neal stephenson (i actually only read about 1/4 of this book this summer. i read the other 3/4 for class in spring.)

books i will read before summer is over:
harry potter and the deathly hallows - j.k. rowling
parts of the new testament*
blue like jazz* - donald miller
the fabric of the cosmos* - briane greene
eragon* - christopher paolini
some christian romance book set in the 1800's that was cheap at the bookstore*
through painted deserts - donald miller
adulthood rites - octavia butler
imago - octavia butler
that hideous strength - c.s. lewis
this list could go on. i have a pile of books ready for reading. i'll let you know if i get to any more!

i'll probably see a couple more movies ... hairspray, joshua and across the universe are on my list. the problem now is that i'm trying to be more frugal so i don't know when i will actually be able to go to a movie again!

in addition to these extracurricular activities, i have completed my 350 hour field ed. internship at new summit presbyterian church; i have attended 3 weddings (was a bridesmaid in one) and will go to 2 more; i have seen lots of old friends (but not nearly enough for not nearly long enough!); i met my second cousin and her husband; i've seen some awesome thunderstorms; i met a ton of awesome people; i've renewed my love for dipped cones from dairy queen; i've seen a larger variety of nasty and gross bugs than i ever want to see again in my life; i've spent way too much money; and i've concocted an amazing adventure that you are sure to hear more about!

for the benefit of everyone

2007-07-26T14:46:00.001-04:00

all right. i know there are always tons of suggestions on how to get rid of hiccups. most of them don't work. i am convinced that a lot were developed by mean people who want to see their already suffering friends do something ridiculous.

but i'm hear to tell you that the real cure has been made known to me. seriously, this lady from my church told me the answer and i didn't believe her but i tried it and miraculously my hiccups were gone.

i would be remiss if i did not share this amazing discovery with everyone i know!

to get rid of hiccups, just eat two tums (or rolaids). that's it. they are gone. and it's not even embarrassing to do!

to megan

2007-07-22T15:13:00.000-04:00

and to any others who are waiting for an update

believe me, i'm working on it. i even have a word document saved with the info. for my next post. although, don't hold your breath, i don't know how interesting it will be.

but before i can make a real post again, i have to work on stuff for VBS that's starting tonight and i have to do my final report for field education.

i hate it when my real life interferes with my blogging life! ;)

coda

2007-06-27T00:17:00.000-04:00

signs and wonders are always doubted, and perhaps they are meant to be.

in the absence of certainty, faith is more than mere opinion; it is hope.

-mary doria russell, children of God

some of the best theology i've heard lately

2007-06-19T22:06:00.001-04:00

from the book "children of God" by mary doria russell

"maybe God is only the most powerful poetic idea we humans are capable of thinking .... maybe God has no reality outside our minds and exists only in the paradox of Perfect Compassion and Perfect Justice.

or maybe ... maybe God is exactly as advertised in the Torah. maybe, along with all its other truths and beauties, judaism preserves for each generation of us the reality of the God of abraham, of isaac, of jacob, of moses -- the God of Jesus.

a cranky, uncanny God. a God with quirky, unfathomable rules, a God who gets fed up with us and pissed off! but quick to forgive ... and generous. always, always in love with humanity. always there, waiting for us -- generation after generation -- to return His passion. on my best days, i believe in Him with all my heart.

and on your worst days?
even if it's only poetry, it's poetry to live by -- poetry to die for. maybe poetry is the only way we can get near the truth of God ...

and when the metaphors fail, we think it's God who's failed us!
now there's an idea that buys some useful theological wiggle room!"

wash over me

2007-06-17T23:33:00.000-04:00

talkin' messes up a good sunset
so i shut my mouth
and stared out at the waves and wondered
what a creative day we're having
how the waves made faces
and the tides covered our tracks

oh Lord, can i ask you a question
can you really wash away the me i left behind?

if so, i'll let you wash over me
cause i know you spoke the sun
and i know you sewed the mountaintops
i know you know how this book's ending
and i'll let you wash over me
cause i know you spoke the wind
i know you don't rewrite the past
but can you rewrite my heart
wash over me
wash over me

i must have chased a thousand sunsets
as i rode my songs to glory
just dying to be heard
but now my heart seems to be aging
and i see that being someone
is nothing without you

Lord, can i ask you a question
can you take a broken man and use the song he sings?

if so, i'll let you wash over me
cause i know you spoke the sun
and i know you sewed the mountaintops
and i know you know how this book's ending
and i'll let you wash over me
cause i know you wrote the wind
i know you don't rewrite the past
but can you rewrite my heart
wash over me
wash over me

well life's too short to cry over spilled sunsets
so i'll sit here on the shoreline and watch
as my old self rolls away, rolls away
with the tide

and let you wash over me
cause i know you spoke the sun
and i know you sewed those mountaintops together
i know you know how this book's ending
and i'll let you wash over me
cause i know you wrote the wind
and i know you don't rewrite the past
but can you rewrite my heart
wash over me
wash over me

can you wash over me?

-matt neely

this may be dumb but...

2007-06-13T14:32:00.001-04:00

my favorite way to ride in my car is with the a/c on and the window down.

i love the wind in my hair and the coolness of the a/c.

it really is the best of both worlds.

maybe this getting up early thing isn't so bad

2007-06-07T10:03:00.000-04:00

who knew that radios played such great songs at 8:30 in the morning?!

seriously, i heard u2's "i still haven't found", billy idol's "white wedding", the eagles' (my favorite band) "take it to the limit". i even got some 90's grunge rock in with "heaven let your light shine down". it was perfect. well, except that they were all on different stations and i only was able to catch the end of most of them. but still, that was some good music for me this morning.

i'm sure that it is not unusual for great music to be played early. it's for the commuters and the people with real jobs where you actually have to be there at a certain time in the morning. same reasoning for radios to play good songs at 5 for the people driving home or about ready to get off work.

and though i am impressed with morning radio, i think it highly unlikely that i will make getting up earlier part of my habit to hear the music. seriously, if i'm having major crisis with songs i'm hearing because i chose to come to work, say, at one in the afternoon, i can just turn on my itunes and pick whatever i want!

here's my heart

2007-06-03T14:24:00.000-04:00

--prone
----------- to
----------------wander
-----------------------------Lord
--------------------------------------i
------------------------------------------feel
---------------------------------------------------it
--prone
------------to
-----------------leave
--------------------------the
--------------------------------God
----------------------------------------i
---------------------------------------------love

here's my heart

o take and SEAL it

seal it for Thy courts above

it's good to know your limits

2007-05-23T15:34:00.000-04:00

i love flavored lemonades. no, i don't think you understand. i can't get enough of them. i will literally drink them until i make myself sick. my absolute favorite drink of all time is rasberry lemonade. the thing is that i know i have a tendency to overdo it when i order a fruity yummy lemonade. and yet, do i try to limit myself? absolutely not. i just can't help it.

so, chili's is a favorite place of mine. they have excellent strawberry lemonade. i went to chili's today to meet with some people from my new church. they called me and said they were running a little behind. that was absolutely fine. i told them i would go in and get a table and have a drink. so, i go and i decide to order a blackberry lemonade. yum. (but not quite as good as a strawberry or raspberry). anyhow, i pretty much drink that first one in less than 30 seconds. i'm telling you, i'm addicted.

our waitress was amazing and had a refill for me in no time. i was mostly through the second one when the ladies i was meeting showed up. actually, the waitress was bringing my third refill as the ladies were sitting down. and the said something about how they took too long because i was already getting a refill. i smiled sheepishly and said, actually i was just finishing my second and this was my third. i made sure to tell them that these lemonades are my weakness and it wasn't because they were late that i had already had that many.

now, i do know my limit. usually, i can only drink three and then i start to really feel the effects of the sugar. the thing is, that by this point, the waiter or waitress has figured out that i guzzle them and usually brings me a fourth. well, then i feel bad because they have already been so nice in getting me all my refills so i try really hard to drink the fourth.

today was no exception. by the time i was halfway through the third one, i started to feel the headache and stomachache that accompany my gluttony of flavored lemonades. this one seemed notably worse than usual. the stomachache wasn't that bad. but oh my goodness the headache was awful. i could barely concentrate. and! my shoulder muscles started to hurt and feel weak. that was weird. all i wanted to do at that point was lay down and die of a sugar rush gone bad. thankfully after maybe 5 or 10 minutes the feeling passed. so i was able to finish my third and take a couple drinks of the fourth.

i'm just saying, it's good to know your limits. and to always push those limits!

saturdays

2007-05-19T19:03:00.001-04:00

there's something about saturdays that are just different. you can feel it. even if you've had every other day off in a week, saturday is still special. i like it.

in other news, i went to a wedding today with my friend megan. the bride was beautiful but i'm sorry i have to say that the wedding and reception were less than thrilling. and, the message was just not well done. it made no sense. it was about zaccheus. which is fine. i was really curious how he would tie that story into a wedding. but he didn't really. and, half of the sermon was just repeating one of those silly, sappy God emails about how God would put our picture in his wallet or on the fridge. i was just sorely disappointed. i wish i would have heard one of our new graduates give a wedding sermon instead!

on that note: CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE WHO GRADUATED TODAY!!!!

on the road again

2007-05-14T10:03:00.000-04:00

that's right. i can't wait to get on the road again. i'm leaving today to start my trek to lee's summit missouri where i will work in a presbyterian (gasp!) church this summer. i'm really looking forward to working with this church and this pastor. i'm also very glad that i'll be in the midwest again, though i'm not looking forward to how hot it's going to be. i can't wait for a thunderstorm!!!!

good luck and Godspeed to all the graduates!

john 1:18

2007-05-09T21:37:00.000-04:00

stir my affection
stir my affection
stir my affection for You
for You're my only hope

You Yeshua explained the way
He moves as just an ordinary man then again
You're the first
Jesus and by Your hand we move
You're the image of the invisible God
You are God
You are God

bring fascination
bring fascination
bring fascination of You
for You're my only hope

from "chapter one" by shane & shane

it seems i have misunderstood

2007-05-08T13:05:00.000-04:00

this often happens when i don't have specific obligations or a set pattern to my days. my misunderstanding has been in regards to dates. i knew that my last final was due on the 9th. for some reason, i have been operating under the impression that the 9th is thursday. i have probably thought this since at least the beginning of last week. imagine my surprise when i just now discovered that the 9th is tomorrow! my paper is due tomorrow! this is actually fine. i'm not any more or less stressed about it. i had actually intended to do it today. but, knowing my history, had i thought it still wasn't due until thursday, i'm sure i would have procrastinated. i am just very thankful that i have figured out my error now. i have plenty of time today to get it done and still have time to fulfill my other exciting date of going to rachel and tara's to watch american idol!

i am not allowed to go into book stores anymore

2007-05-07T19:11:00.000-04:00

i went in to barnes and noble to get one audio book for my upcoming drive home. one book. one.

now let me tell you what i walked out of the store with: four audio books. three teen lit. books. one dig deeper into credit card debt. and that familiar partridge in a pear tree.

i'm beginning to refind that old book nerd that seems to have been hiding for a while. i'm blaming it on being able to read fiction for two of my classes this past semester. now i just can't get enough.

in case you're wondering which books i got, i would love to share that information with you right now. audio books = "can you keep a secret" by sophie kinsella. this is to fulfill my need for slightly crappy fiction aimed at lonely women. "the fabric of the cosmos" by brian greene. this is to fulfill my need for science and theory. "animal farm" and "1984" by george orwell (these two came in a set so it looks like i only bought 3 audio books...). these are to fulfill my need for classic literature and the need to understand some allusions that often go over my head because i haven't read these books.

in other news, today was a completely lazy day. i hope you don't judge me by what i'm about to tell you. be prepared for total languorousness. i slept in until 11. i decided to make some breakfast and watch "what not to wear". i went to not one, but two movies at market fair. the first was "in the land of women". i loved it. i'm sorry jenny smith, i love you but we just have very different taste in movies. i think we can still be friends though. also, i was very impressed with the trailers for new movies coming out. i'm pretty sure i will have to see the three that they showed before this movie. one was with john cusack who i adore (the movie is "martian child"). one was for "across the universe" which looks like a very good story and done in a moulin rouge-y sort of way. the last one was for "the ex" starring zach braff, who is freaking hilarious. the second movie i watched today was "spiderman 3". i was less than impressed. i mean, it feels good to have the completion of the story and the resolution of story lines but i just don't think it was well acted or well written. there were previews before this movie for other movies i will have to see this summer: pirates of the caribbean 3 and shrek 3. i hope those trilogies end better than the spiderman one. although, i know i wasn't impressed with the 2nd pirates movie... i'm sure i will like the shrek movie at least.

and finally, my room is a complete disaster. i had been keeping it fairly clean for about two weeks now. i must admit that this is because i kept having guests over. not just ordinary guests but one who was a potential roommate (who is now, in fact, going to be my roommate), two who i'm subletting to this summer and one who had to live in the same room for several days. now, all the cleanliness angst i've been holding in has exploded all over my room. it's okay. i like a little mess in my daily life.

all right, i think that may be all the news i have for now. peace.

may the fourth be with you

2007-05-04T18:15:00.000-04:00

hahaha! okay, so i'm not that clever on my own. one of adam's schoolmates that i met this week is that clever. don't worry, i told him i would steal it from him and he was okay with it. in fact, i gave him another interesting date (march 4th ... the only day in the year that's a command) in return.

this week has been really good (as anticipated). right now i'm dead exhausted though so i don't know if i'm going to remember all the highlights accurately. obviously the most notable highlight was spending time with my friend adam. even though i don't think we hung out much ever, even in college where we had overcome our high school personas, we have a lot of interesting history together and it's fun to reminisce. it's also fun because adam and i have very similiar personalities so it's just easy to hang out and talk about silly stuff as well as deeper stuff. mostly though, adam spent his time at the conference and like i said before i was going to relax. i actually did end up working a lot more than i was scheduled this week. this is good because i need some funds for my upcoming drive from new jersey to missouri.

i went to a couple worship services at the conference and one seminar led by kenda dean. these things were very soul-filling for me. at least, they were able to help slake some of the thirst that my dry, dry soul has been suffering from in this drought called seminary. i probably went too far with the metaphor in that sentence but i'm too tired to erase it and start again. i'm just saying ... i forgot how good worship is.

two nights this week, some of adam's classmates invited us over to play board games. the first night we played risk. i have never played risk before and didn't quite understand it. once i finally got the rules down, i realized i was beyond being able to strategize and would soon be out of the game. ah well, i still had fun! seems that i still have the ability to trash talk even when i'm in a room of complete strangers. oh i forgot to mention that before the game, adam had taken me to dinner but neither of us was really hungry so we decided to drink dinner instead. i'm sure that helped me loosen up so i could function cleverly in the new social situation. i really liked and was impressed with the garrett seminarians. a good group of people. i especially seemed to get along with stephen (the one who enlightened me about may the fourth). i think it's just encouraging to know that there are people out there that you can meet randomly and for a short time and still have a very fun time with and be connected in God's love. oh gosh, now i think i switched from grossly poetic to overly sentimental. i just want you to know that i'm writing this post after less than four hours of sleep and a long, long day at work.

all right, back to the highlights, last night we played monopoly. i've never been good at monopoly and that makes me very much less competitive. i know i'm not going to win so i just have fun. sometimes i have tendencies to take games too seriously ... but i've tried to work on it and last night i was totally fine when i was the second person to go out. it did make me feel better that adam was the first person to go out when i have viewed him as the monopolizer of monopoly (that is, adam loves the game and is very good at it and probably usually wins).

okay, i can't think of any more major highlights of the past couple days ... unless you count my "very informative" tour of princeton where i pointed things out by saying something like "there's a pretty building" and most of my answers to questions were "umm, i don't know".

how early is too early to go to bed? 8? 9? i don't know how long i'm going to last...

3 outta 4 ain't bad

2007-04-30T16:43:00.000-04:00

that's right folks. i am officially done with three out of four of my classes for this semester. at first i was kinda irritated that 75% of my teachers were requiring my finals ... errr ... i mean, integrative papers before reading week. especially since i had two papers due for one class last thursday and two big papers due for other classes on friday. but it has worked out just fine. one of my friday papers went from 10 pages to 1 page. sweet, huh?! and, my thursday class extended the deadline to today. so, what i did was write the two that were due and then also write the third one that is actually due may 10. can you believe that?! i actually wrote a paper before the night it was due! like 11 days before! so, now, all i have left to worry about is my sci.fi. paper. i haven't yet decided which option i'm doing. i'm either going to write a short sci.fi. story (but i have no ideas) or i'm going to do book review type thingys for each book we read. this would be fine since i did all my reading ... it's just that now they're not so fresh in my mind. but it will work out in the end. so, what does this mean for now? i am going to have a wonderfully relaxing reading week! the relaxation is all the more cemented because my work hours were cut back a lot this week. (i would have preferred to work but i'm not above having my days completely free!)

in other news, my friend adam thompson is in princeton! i've known adam since high school. well, i knew of adam in high school. we went to the same camp and were on the same councils but never really became friends until he attended my college. i thought surely if adam had followed me all those places, he would come to princeton too. alas, he goes to seminary at garrett in chicago. he's here for the youth forum and i'm happily letting him bum off me. so, if you see me hanging out with a guy you don't recognize, you should come meet adam!

how could i have forgotten??!!

2007-04-26T21:55:00.000-04:00

i forgot until just now, three weeks later, one of the very most exciting things i was looking forward to because i was turning 25. besides being a quarter century, i am now able to rent a car without having to pay the extra money per day for being under 25! i'm a bona fide adult!!! my theory is to always enjoy the age you are. in fact, i go so far as to say that the age you are should be your favorite age. this helps me not to long for days gone by and to never be ashamed of growing older. one of the ways i keep this mentality strong is by thinking about what's exciting for every age a person turns. that's why it's so important that i just now remembered the car rental thing!

and i'm procrastinating starting all the papers that i have to crank out.

american idol gives back

2007-04-24T16:34:00.000-04:00

friends, this is important. i know that some of my friends don't watch american idol, and at least one of you thinks it's ridiculous. but, ridiculous or not, they are doing something innovative and charitable tonight. for every vote that is cast tonight, they will donate money to charities in africa and in the u.s. also, if you don't want to watch the show or vote for someone, they have an option to donate at their website. you can find out more information here.

a fun game i just thought of!

2007-04-23T17:44:00.000-04:00

so, as i was doing my daily blog read, i thought some of the comments i was reading would be really funny out of context. so, i decided to grab random comments from other peoples' blogs and post them here. hope you think it's as fun and/or interesting as i do! and, if you want, you can try to guess which comment came from whose blog. i'm pretty sure all the ones i took them from are over on my sidebar. they are not necessarily from the most recent post on the websites, but they are within the three most recent. p.s. any spelling, grammar or punctuation errors in these comments are not mine. they are direct quotes!

"i love hard times, too!"

"I cannot believe there will be no more Rangers someday!"

"Ok, so yes, in the past, headshots have been of the head only."

"…and Keens are pretty awesome too."

"nightmares aren't usually that scary when you have the chance to kick ass"

"Have you ever been to Gas, Kansas?"

"Good luck on your visit with those strangers tomorrow!"

"I bet the Mythbusters would say it was ok."

"I might get the Dinosaurs, but alas.."

"I thought the world’s supply of Spandex had run out years ago!"

"and i'm worried that if i follow their directions i am going to end up with some shiny shit hanging out of the front seam of my jacket!"

"what seems to be the problem with black on black shoes?"

"Would you like a scone with that?"

"werd."

i've decided

2007-04-20T10:34:00.000-04:00

today, friday april 20th, i have no obligations. i don't have class. i don't have to work.

i didn't know what to do with myself today.

sure, there are plenty of things i can and should do in the princeton area: finish cleaning my room which would mean hanging my last two pictures and organizing my dvds, go get a haircut, go to the gym, read for classes, write thank you notes.

the problem is that even if i do those things, i still think that i'm going to have a lot of sitting around time. and i don't want a special day like this that comes around so infrequently to be wasted.

so, i'm pretty sure i'm going to new york. i don't have plans for what to do there yet. i'm probably going to go to a museum because i have never been to one in nyc (the one time i tried to go to the met, it was monday and the museum was closed). i might stop by the tkts booth and see if there's a show i would like to see. mostly, i'm going to just explore.

there are two reasons this may not be the best plan: i'm short on funds. i have to work at 8 a.m. tomorrow. i'm not a morning person. i will be cranky. and going to new york usually means i'm going to get back fairly late.

here's why i'm disregarding those reasons: i'm going to pick up my paycheck before i leave. i just had a credit increase on one of my cards (that's not really a good reason to disregard ... actually it's a bad reason but i'm going to pretend for now that it's not). i can handle and get over crankiness for tomorrow. i won't have to interact with many people until 10. it's worth it to not just sit around all day and watch the squirrels outside my window.

it's a gorgeous day outside and deserves to be properly and thoroughly enjoyed! besides, i can do the other things i need to do tomorrow...

if there's anyone else that feels like a jaunt to nyc, call me and we can meet up!

peace out ya'll!

kyledawn = published photographer?

2007-04-16T13:45:00.000-04:00

during my routine morning email check, i saw that i had an email from someone with a very foreign sounding name. while i do have many foreign friends, this was not a name i recognized at all. well, it was actually an email sent through flickr by a dutch publisher. or someone making a book. they wanted to use one of my italy pictures in the their book!

"It is a richly illustrated, up-market book meant for entertainment during the summer holiday, containing games, photos, stories, places to be, etc. It is a small-scale project by a well-known Dutch weblog www.geenstijl.nl, to be published only in the Netherlands. The expected print run will be 4000. We are hoping to include your photo and hereby want to ask permission for usage."

it sounds very exciting to me! i would love to have one of my pictures published! but for some reason, i have this funny feeling that there is something i need to check out or be clear on or something that i'm not thinking of. what could be a problem with doing this? what do you think?

white as snow

2007-04-08T14:27:00.000-04:00

though this is not my typical easter song that i long to sing, it is what is stuck in my head because of the snow i was greeted with as i was leaving church. it was one of my very favorite songs that we sang at camp.

white as snow
white as snow
though my sins were as scarlet
Lord, i know
Lord, i know
that i'm clean and forgiven

through the power of Your blood
through the wonder of Your love
through faith in You i know that i can be
white as snow

momentary lapse of intelligence

2007-04-07T17:47:00.000-04:00

today at work, emily and i were telling some of our co-workers that seminarians don't always act as the world probably thinks they act, e.g. drinking, cussing, etc. so, as an example, i said "yeah, on my visiting weekend they were having a yoga party!" they all looked confused for a minute. and i was thinking to myself, doesn't this fit what we're talking about ... that my first impression of seminary life was the quintessential party. then they started saying: "i don't know what a yoga party is", "i've never heard of that" and "what would you do at a yoga party". i couldn't believe not a single one of these had heard of it. then one guy says "so, you just go and do yoga?" me: "ummm, i meant toga party"

reflecting on 25 years of life

2007-04-05T01:14:00.000-04:00

or, what have i done with a quarter century?!?!

i have attended 6 schools for a grand total of 22 years.
i have had 9 jobs ranging from sandwich artist to recording artist (um, well, at least i helped record books for the blind!)
i have been in a total of 13 countries.
i have been to 39 states.
i have lived in 5 places for longer than 3 months.
i have owned 3 cars.
i have learned to count to 10 in 7 languages and have formally studied 6 languages (some of those two things don't overlap).
i have been sung to in english, spanish, german, hindi, bulgarian, polish, latin, greek, hebrew, malay, chinese, japanese, french and many african languages.
i have been the aunt to the two cutest doggies in the world.
i have owned one cat.
i have played games, jokes, the piano, the flute, the french horn and innocent.
i have read thousands of books.
i have watched thousands of movies.
i have slept too much and not nearly enough.
i have been in and out and in debt again and again.
i have two degrees thus far and am edging closer to two more.
i have had 5 roommates and 1 honorary roommate.
i have hosted 3 super bowl parties and loads of other kinds of parties.
i have spooned, forked ... have i knifed? don't know if i'm that fast.
i have seen the beauty of the open prairie, the majestic mountain, the immense sea, the dense rain forest.
i have slept in my own bed, on the ground, under the stars, in tents, in planes, in cars, in cabins, in dorm rooms, in a waterbed and in church (maybe, just once).
i have ridden tricycles, bicycles, motorcycles, horses, an elephant and i'm pretty sure a camel.
i have had countless crushes.
i have written hundreds of poems.
i have painted a score of canvases.
i have hoped.
i have wished.
i have prayed.
i have been disappointed.
i have been inspired.
i have been in awe.
i have laughed.
i have cried.
i have laughed so hard i cried.
i have made innumerable friends around the country and the world.
i have loved my mother, father, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmothers, grandfathers and all the greats, seconds, and in-laws in between.
i have been part of soccer, tee-ball, softball and swim teams.
i have been in gymnastics, dance and art classes.
i have had one friend for 20 years, who even though is a stuffed wrinkle dog, is a very real presence in my life.
i have waxed and waned in my relationship to God but never disbelieved.
i have told many, many stories.
i have played not nearly enough jokes.
i have written hundreds of pages.
i have forgotten a lot of details.
i have cut myself, burned myself, bruised myself, scarred myself, broken myself.
i have been quick-witted and slow on the uptake.
i have had more shoes than one person needs in a lifetime.
i have been told i've made a difference in someone's life.
i have had so many people make a difference in mine.
i have lived approximately 9,131.05497 days. or, 219,145.319 hours. or, 13,148,719.2 minutes. or, 788,923,149 seconds. (i don't think leap days have been figured into this. not sure...)
i have so much more to remember.

overall, i am pleased with where i have been, what i have done, who i've experienced.
thank you to all who are part this list; my past, present and future; my life.
here's to adding more years and making more lists and doing the things that make life worthwhile!

what i learned today

2007-04-03T19:30:00.000-04:00

too much and too little wine.
do not give him any, he cannot find the truth.
give him too much; the same thing.
-blaise pascal, pensees

man, oh man, i love april fool's day!

2007-04-02T19:41:00.000-04:00

here's an account of my wonderful day yesterday.

to start things off, my friend megan instant messages me and says "what story are you going to try and convince me of today?" i had no idea what she was talking about. this plays into the story later on.

finally, on my way to work, i realize that megan asked me that because it was april 1st, my favorite day of the year.

well, i didn't plan any good pranks to do at work and i wasn't super quick thinking yesterday i guess. so basically, all day i did the whole "what's on your shirt" bit. even though it's the oldest trick in the book, i still had fun doing it!

then i went out and had a lovely dinner with emily. there's no tricks in this part. which, actually, emily should be grateful that i hadn't yet hit my fooling stride even though it was 7 in the evening.

so, when i was heading home, i was quick thinking of something to fool krista with. i had it all planned that i would tell her that i got so mad at work and quit because they kept me way too late. which was sorta true. they did keep me 45 minutes late but i was going to let krista think the dinner time with emily was part of the keeping me late time. it was so lame that krista wasn't home when i got home because i was all prepared to storm in. so, krista was not a victim either.

oh but krista did help me think of things to do to my other friends! i decided that penny would be a good person to prank. so we decided that i should call her and tell her my car broke down and i needed her to come give me a jump. i conveniently had it so that my car broke down outside cold stone creamery. penny didn't answer when i called so i left a desperate message and waited.

i finally decided what to do to my friend megan. because i had forgotten when she talked to me earlier, i thought it would be a grand idea to convince her that it wasn't actually april 1st but was only march 31st and that tomorrow was actually my fave day of the year. so i called her and again had to leave a message.

then i wondered what i could do to my friend ann in kansas. i had a couple ideas that would have me telling her i would be missing her wedding this summer, of which i am a bridesmaid. i called and again, left a message.

i began to wonder why in the world my friends wouldn't answer calls from me on april fool's day! it couldn't be that they all know i don't usually make phone calls and i'm notorious for loving this day, could it?

then penny called. and i sold my story. then i had to rush over to cold stone before she got there. on the way, i had a brief panic that cold stone wouldn't be open because i intended to treat penny to ice cream after the prank since i actually made her leave whatever she was doing and drive halfway across town. but it was open. so i got out and popped my hood and waited.

well, what could i do when i was waiting ... i couldn't listen to my radio cause that would mean my car would be on. so, i called my friend laura b. for another prank! i recently borrowed some muffin tins from laura so that i could make cupcakes. so i said to laura "what would you do if i told you i completely burned up your pans?" she asked me what happened then asked if i had put in the paper wrappers. i asked quite innocently, "they have wrappers?!" then i added that i thought you put them on afterwards! oh gosh, she totally bought into it. she asked if my mom ever made cupcakes and i said, no, in fact she only made cake. then i asked how full to fill the paper wrappers. of course, she said half. i then said i had filled the tins full. she made a comment about how my kitchen is probably a mess and i said indeed it was and it was really smokey too. and, i say, to top it all off, APRIL FOOL'S!!!! hahahaha! i totally got her!

so penny arrives while i'm on the phone with laura. penny pops her hood and gets her jumper cables out before i could get out of my car and stall her. so, she asked me if i knew how to jump my car, and i said indeed i do but was glad to hear that penny wasn't exactly car literate. so i spend some time 'wondering' if the corrosion from the battery acid was going to be a problem. then i made something up about flooding the engine and asked penny if she would try to start my car. of course, it starts up immediately. first, i duck my head behind the hood to hide my giggles and then call out "well, it seems to be working now!" penny gets out and looks at me a bit weird before i let it out ... APRIL FOOL'S! penny had a great reaction. oh it was marvelous to watch. then i let her in on the fact that i was going to treat her to ice cream too.

while in line at the ice cream place, megan calls back so i start my spiel about how tomorrow is april fool's day and that we need to think of something to do to our friend ann. and megan, very briefly tries to say, no, today is april fool's day. but i keep on. and she buys it! i was really expecting more of a fight or having a hard time convincing her. but megan quickly reverts back to march 31st and starts suggesting things to do to ann! well eventually, i had to pay, so i had to cut short my trick on megan and tell her i had got her. to her credit, megan says she wasn't feeling well at all so maybe she wasn't thinking properly. whatever, she's still a fool!

after ice cream with penny, i get home and have a message from my friend ann. i think quick about which trick i'm going to pull on her because i know that she would get pretty mad at me if i were to actually draw out one where i couldn't come to her wedding. so here's what i decided: i call her and say i have a question about the wedding. "would you hate me forever if i couldn't come?" ... she waits like the longest five seconds ever before she says "what" (and that 'what' had the most amount of venom in it that i've ever heard!). then i'm all, april fool's! i'm only kidding! but actually, i have a real question. then i tell her that a boy had asked me on a date and i was projecting and wanted to ask her if i could bring a date to the wedding. she totally fell for it. TWO IN A ROW! BACK TO BACK! oh how i adore my gullible friends!!!!

and my last prank was actually the most minor. i changed my facebook status to "in a relationship" because those are the most interesting and get the most comments from people. i just left it at that. very low-key. i captured one victim that way before i went to bed. elise totally wins for being the only facebooker to be fooled on april fool's day. but i forgot to change it back before i went to sleep so i got two more foolish ones this morning. jenni and emily got the leftover residuals of my pranking via facebook and i had to kindly explain to them that i was actually only foolsing them!

last night, i couldn't sleep well. maybe because i was still chuckling over my pranks. (seriously, i laugh the most ever on april fool's day while committing the pranks and while remembering past pranks. i think it's the most fun i ever have by myself!) anyhow, i found that was unable to get up this morning for my 8 o'clock class. well, i chatted with emily later in our other class together and she told me that dr. capps had said that we could write a 1 page paper instead of our 10 page final. but the bad news was that we had to sign up for it and we could only do it today. the truth is that we can do the 1 page paper but emily april fooled me because we didn't have to sign up. then later tonight, krista fed me the same story. but i totally burst her bubble and told her that emily told me it was an april fool's joke. but here's the thing friends, while i greatly admire your efforts, i think the rule applies that you can only fool on april 1st. otherwise, things could get way out of hand. i'll let it slide this time because i inadvertently broke that rule by leaving my facebook status on too long. but for future notice, pranks are only allowed on the specific day set aside each year for fooling.

anyone else have a good time pranking? tell me what you did! or did you get pranked? let me know how so that i can maybe add it into my repetoire for future use!!

photos of italy ... finally!

2007-03-26T20:17:00.000-04:00

well friends, as per jenny's suggestion, i have posted my pictures of italy on my flickr page. please feel free to go there and view them and make comments! it turns out that i had already signed up for flickr back in my college days and had forgotten about it. i didn't post any pictures so i don't know why or when i signed up! i uploaded quite a few more (102 to be precise) than i was going to when i tried to post them on here. but i did go through them and feel as though i did quite a bit of narrowing down since i had over 350. i hope you enjoy perusing them as much as i enjoyed taking them!

i didn't know yogurt would freeze

2007-03-26T07:32:00.000-04:00

but yes, yes it will when it is pushed all the to the back of the refrigerator and left under the temperature control thingamajig.

here's another option

2007-03-24T23:01:00.000-04:00

i went to my collages option and made this. it's not ideal. in fact, i tried to go back and do something else. but when i made this, it deselected all the pictures i had held in my tray. now i have to go back through and pick them again. i'm going to bed now. maybe i'll try again tomorrow.

i think i need to figure out a new way to post photos to my blog

earlier i said "words cannot describe"

2007-03-24T22:52:00.000-04:00

and they still can't. so i thought i'd try pictures. a lot of pictures. i loved italy. i miss it. i wish i knew how to tell you. but i can only show you. and it still doesn't come close to what i want to share.

this is the duomo in florence. i saw this everyday. it helped me to get my bearings and even help me to be able to navigate the city without a map by my third day there. i can't imagine being able to see something so beautiful every day of my life.

this is also part of the duomo.

ahhh yes. my first taste of gelato in italy. my friend colin even took me to the very best place in florence. he swears by it. i soon found out why.

this is the synagogue in florence. it's breathtaking. strange because there are less than 40 registered jews in florence. or so i hear.

okay, so at this very moment i am the saddest kid in the world. i went through and picked out probably about 30 of my favorite pictures to post in this blog. and now i come to find that picasa has only put these four in the post. i so much wanted to share with my blog readers all these pictures. i don't know what to do right now because i'm tired and about to go to bed. i'll mull it over and maybe we'll see whatever plan i improvise. meanwhile, if you're a facebooker, all my pictures are posted on there and you can feel free to peruse them. although i think there is something to be said by seeing the specific pictures the photographer chooses as their favorites. it really gives a certain flavor to the experience. dang, i'm really sad. i had some nice photos to share with you (though i will admit that it's not too difficult to take a beautiful picture in italy ... just point and click and you're going to get something amazing)

i'm having a good God day

2007-03-20T15:57:00.000-04:00

so, since i've been to seminary, i have in general felt more spiritually dry and even spiritually anorexic. i don't often get much God in. for a while, i was probably ignoring but now i'm trying to figure out how to get back. and i realize that i won't probably feel the same way i felt in college any time soon but i have faith that my relationship will continue to grow if i just keep on keeping on. this is where i especially love the example of john wesley. he totally knew about this feeling. but he kept going because he knew that it was better than doing nothing and hoped it might all eventually lead to something. and it did. all this to say that i'm having a very in tune to God day. true, it's not a life-shattering heart-warming experience. but i have been feeling a good glow all day and this is quite significant to me. i'm revelling in it. basking. soaking it up while i can.

some of the highlights that i think helped lead to this point:
first, we had two guest speakers in my pastoral care of adolescents class, a pastor and his gay son. they spoke about how the coming out process affected them both and how the church they were at played into it all. it was just very encouraging and hopeful for me to hear their stories and how they have changed and grown. it gives me hope for those i sometimes write off in my head as not having hope. it was just a powerful story and i appreciate their willingness to share it.

second, i had an interview at a church for an interneship next year. i felt very comfortable with both the pastor and the elder. it seemed like it would be a good fit. usually, i don't feel so good after i leave an interview. the one other time i did feel so good was after my interview at tisdale umc where i ended up working for three years. i really really really hope this works out. i pray that this may be the place God is calling me. and it makes me have joy that i am again praying and trying to find out where God wants me. significant improvements.

third, and this one may seem a bit silly, i heard the tobymac song "made to love" on the radio. generally, i think tobymac is a little ridiculous but i'm finding i really do enjoy the substance of some of his songs. this song in particular seems to be exactly what i'm feeling. "whatever happened to a passion i could live for; what became of the flame that made me feel more; and when did I forget that ... i was made to love you, i was made to find you, i was made just for you, made to adore you, i was made to love and be loved by you." so good. so what i feel.

and all this added to my continuing high of italy. italy was fantastic, wonderful, amazing, indescribable. but i promise that i will try to describe it some time for you. or at least tell you what i did.

peace.

i'm in italy!!!!

2007-03-11T12:58:00.001-04:00

words cannot describe.

can you imagine?!

2007-03-08T09:34:00.000-05:00

two days from now i'll be in beautiful italy where the wine will flow, the gelato will be eaten, a good friend will be visited and the temperature is in the 60's. i can not wait. i may even try some italian coffee because i hear it's amazing, even for those with a coffee aversion like myself. plus i just think it would be simply divine to sit at a little cafe in sunny tuscany and look out at the piazza and just be happy with the world.

okay, maybe i'm rubbing it in now. i'm really not trying to gloat. i just haven't really realized that i'm leaving tomorrow and i'm trying to paint the picture so that i can get a handle on it. really what i should be doing is writing my resume, writing a paper and calling field ed. sites. even packing would be more productive than sitting around in my pajamas blogging.

but it's still early for me since i went to bed at 3. i was woken up earlier than i anticipated this morning. to bells ringing. in my ears. from the fire alarm in my hallway. i leapt out of bed and tried to figure out what to do and where the smoke was coming from. thankfully krista knew and was able to remedy the situation quickly. but we still had to listen to the fire alarm for at least five more minutes and had to leave open our door for the smoke to clear. so i've learned that after loud, repeated noise and cold feet, i can not go back to sleep.

friends, some advice: don't leave the tea kettle on the burner. apparently, when all the water/steam is gone, it is possible that the lid will melt down the side of the pot and land on your burner, creating quite an unpleasant smell and lots of smoke.

free laundry!

2007-03-03T09:26:00.000-05:00

that's right friends. it's that time in the semester when i am dogsitting again! i love it. ruth keeps me on my toes. the owners have started letting her sleep in their room on the floor. i thought that was nice. until i realized that ruth snores like a lumberjack. it's unbelievable. finally, i had to take her downstairs so she could sleep on her couch. poor ruth. i did feel a little guilty. until i finally fell asleep.

i'm an automotive genius!

2007-02-26T18:35:00.000-05:00

well, not really. but i feel like i did a lot of nice things for my car today.

it all started when i kicked the fuse for my turn signals out again. seriously, who puts the fuse box right by the driver's feet?! usually i just reach down and plug it back in. well, this time, i broke the dang fuse. so this afternoon, i made a little trip to pepboys to find another fuse and get some suggestions on how to get the piece that was still stuck in there out.

i had no problem finding the fuse i needed. this is where i felt like a genius. a.) because i knew i needed a new fuse b.) because i knew where to look in my driver's manual for the information c.) because i even checked to make sure i didn't already have a spare d.) i found the fuse aisle and correct fuse without having to ask anyone in the store

but i didn't have any cash. and i didn't want to charge a measly $2. so, i went looking around for other things to make leon (that's my car) happy. i decided to get some fuel injector and carbeurator cleaner that will also help my gas mileage. i got some de-icing winshield wiper fluid. i've been longing for it all winter! and i got a fancy new fuzzy steering wheel cover. personally, i often think that steering wheel covers look tacky. definitely my new one does. but, it's just so soft!

then, i went to the parking lot and was able to add the fuel stuff (that was the easiest part), add winshield wiper fluid (which i had never done but found quite easy), and change my fuse. turns out i could just pull the stuck part out with my nails. and i put the extra fuse (because they come in packs of 2) in the neat little spot just for extra fuses.

i feel quite accomplished.

i was so excited that i decided i would get my oil changed too because i was long overdue. but when i pull in to jiffy lube, they are closed. sad. i'll do that tomorrow.

all this to say that i think my dad would be proud of me. but if i told him, he would probably act quite unimpressed and ask me why i didn't do any of this sooner. deep down though, i know he'd be proud.

i've been doing some math...

2007-02-23T22:13:00.000-05:00

all aboard!

2007-02-21T14:03:00.000-05:00

i'm part of the crew! j.crew that is. that's right friends, you're looking at a lady who has a job. i'm going in tomorrow to fill out my paperwork. i'm so excited! thanks very much to emily! she's basically the reason i got the job. the manager said he took her recommendation "very seriously". don't worry emily, i won't let you down!

now, where did i put that pesky social security card...

i'm so very proud

2007-02-21T01:50:00.000-05:00

let me tell you about my friend taggart wall. taggart is in the youth group at tisdale umc, where i was an intern for three years. he is really turning out to be a remarkable person. he is a senior in high school and has discerned a call to ministry (this was something he was already realizing when he was in middle school!). taggart is running to be on the winfield city commission. i'm amazed and truly impressed. please read this article about him. honestly, i'm so proud i almost cried. if i have any winfield residents that read this blog, please go vote for taggart!

theophanies...

2007-02-20T16:30:00.000-05:00

i would like everyone to note that i have added a link to my good friend rachel pennington's blog! read on, blog lovers, read on!

congestion of the heart

2007-02-19T16:54:00.000-05:00

last night i had the opportunity to go to the matt redman, louie giglio and chris tomlin concert. it had been so long since i have gone to anything like this. many of my college days were spent seeking this kind of event. this time, it just fell into my lap. i got to work with star 99.1 (a christian radio station). i just had to work at one of their tables for an hour in exchange for a concert ticket. it was pretty cool (except that i ended up working an hour and a half missing louie altogether and missing some great chris tomlin songs that i could hear wafting up the stairs). the funny thing is that i've been so spiritually dry lately, and i've admitted this and want to work on it, that i thought this might be a great jumpstart. i remember fondly the days from high school and college when i would go to a concert and joyously have that strange heartwarming experience that wesleyans hold so dear. i really was hoping this would happen last night.

but as the concert started, i realized how cynical i have become. instead of appreciating those worshipping around me, i was internally criticizing them. i mean, how could they almost instantaneously be so drawn in to worship that they were raising their hands and closing their eyes on the first song! and yet, i used to do that. i miss it. while i was standing there with my hands in my pockets, i really did try to get honest with God. i really did want to have my heart become free of whatever was congesting it. i wanted to worship. i just have simply forgotten how.

it may be that if i had been there on the floor for the entire concert, including louie's talk, that i would have eventually found the way to let go of whatever was inhibiting me. but, i had to leave an hour into it to work the table. not to say that i begrudge my responsibilities. i was very happy to work at the table. and i am grateful to have gone to as much of the concert i did. i am especially glad to have talked with some of the people i talked with. to see that there are still people who live their lives with God always at the forefront of their mind. that is beautiful. i want that. not the theology of God at the forefront of my mind, but God.

today in class we were learning about the great c.s. lewis. it was all quite interesting. but nothing really hit me until dr. osmer read one of jack's quotes (i feel as though this bit of connection allows me to call lewis by his preferred name of jack!).

an obligation to feel can freeze feeling
and reverence itself did harm

i have been struggling with an obligation to feel for almost all of my time at seminary. and i have found that my feelings have really been frozen. i don't know if reverence has done harm rather that i have forgotten how to revere.

as i was thinking about writing this post, i thought all my true feelings and points of enlightenment would just flow from my fingers. but so far, i've only been able to type the points that i had already thought out in my head. and though i wanted to feel more relief in putting out there what i have been thinking and hopefully to make myself vulnerable enough to take away some of the congestion, i feel the same. i think this may be a step. or it could be me again trying to force feeling. i don't know. there's just one more thing i think i should say about my latest revelations.

i know that i'm not living my life as i had intended. it's become so much about me. i want to go places. i want to buy things. i want to graduate seminary. i want to have a lot of friends. i want to do what makes me feel good. i want to be recognized for things i've done. i want to go back to how it used to be. i want to be an autonomous person. i want to depend solely on me. i. i. i. it's always 'i' now. what about what God wants? i have to figure out how to stop starting with 'i' and begin starting with God.

Lord, help me remember.

warm love (or, how i spent my valentine's day)

2007-02-14T20:23:00.000-05:00

because i know you all are dying to hear how i decided to spend my valentine's day after my huge quandary, here's what i did:

i went to see the movie "music and lyrics" by myself. i purposely went to an early showing so i wouldn't encounter any couples on their valentine's date. for a split second i wondered if i was the only one that would go to a romantic movie so early but i was pleasantly surprised at how full the theater was!

then i went to the gym with my roomie and watched the movie "serendipity" at the cardio cinema. i had been wanting to see that again since i actually went to the serendipity cafe last fall. and i just love john cusack.

then i went to chuck e. cheese to meet penny, emily, jenny, katy and joy (wow, all their names end in y! don't know why i think that is so neat, but i do). it was a really good time to just have fun with a bunch of awesome girls and dance and play games.

and for the whole day, my soundtrack was provided by the lovely van morrison. i think i listened to the song "warm love" about a million times. it's on my list of my favorite love songs/songs about love (because there is a distinction). i started a playlist on my itunes a couple months ago with love songs that i adore. not just any love songs, but ones that are particularly meaningful to me and i hope someday i would have someone to play that list for. oh gosh, that made me sound completely losery. oh well, i'll admit it, i'm a big sap. hopeless romantic. i don't care who knows it! i'm even feeling the need to post the songs that are on my list (mostly because i'm listening to it right now). so here they are in no particular order:

someone to watch over me - blossom dearie
table for two - caedmon's call
when i fall in love - carmen mcrae
pledge - chris rhoads
and i love you so - don mclean
your song - elton john
love me tender - elvis
can't help falling in love - elvis
annie's song - john denver
you send me - sam cooke (this was the first song on the list)
love divine, all loves excelling - written by charles wesley (so not exactly a romantic love song but one of my absolute favorite songs about love ever)
i'll have to say i love you in a song - jim croce
warm love - van morrison

now i shall go watch american idol and then maybe watch mr. and mrs. smith. although, i don't know how i feel about watching a movie that led to the dissolvement of a marriage on valentine's day. we'll see. maybe i should just read my science fiction homework.

i hope everyone had a lovely valentine's day (if you wanted to)!

reflections on this valentine's day

2007-02-14T11:34:00.000-05:00

today turned out to be a snow day for the school. and while i'm happy for all the other students, it's not particularly thrilling for me since i don't have classes on wednesday anyway.

because i knew i wouldn't be at school today, i did decide to wear my red sweater and shoes yesterday in a pre-celebration. and, i also attended a fabulous party last night in pre-celebration!

but, my plans for today have been thwarted. i was going to take myself on a date to new york city but apparently the roads are bad, the trains are slow and it's not terribly safe to walk in the city.

now, i don't know what to do to make this day special. because you see, i am not a hater. i do not think this is black wednesday. really, i love holidays no matter how commercial they have become. it just brings joy to my life. i think i get this from my mom. she's a sucker for a holiday too. this year my mom sent me a little extra cash so i could do something or get something special because of valentine's day. i had thought i would put it to good use by going to a show in nyc but now i don't know what to do. i am in a valentine quandary. any suggestions?

i could use the day to relax and do nothing but i feel like that's not particularly special, especially since i could do that any wednesday. i could spend my time looking for a job, and i will actually fill out some applications, but that's not very valentinesy. i will probably go out to chuck e. cheese's with the girls tonight. but i just want to feel festive all day long and i don't know how yet.

but don't worry, i have faith in my holiday celebrating abilities! i will think of something! and i'll let you all know, eventually, how i celebrate this day of love!

a few of my favorite things

2007-02-09T17:44:00.000-05:00

i would like to introduce you to my acorn slippers. they are amazing.

i got them at a fantastically discounted price this summer from one of the acadia stores. some of the best money i've ever spent, i think. if i'm not wearing shoes, these are on my feet. they are especially nice to wear when i go to the movies.

for a couple days this week, i realized how much i love and depend on them. i lost them. i couldn't find them in the mess that is my room. i was quite disheartened. it even got to the point that i had to get out a pair of old slippers for my cold, cold feet. and alas, those other slippers just do not compare to the warmth, comfort and versatility of my acorns.

finally i have recovered them! they were sneakily hiding under my bed. really, that might have been the first place i looked but i was so distraught about not having them that i couldn't think clearly.

so now, my feet are toasty and happy. thank you acorn slippers.

proud new owner

2007-02-06T18:34:00.000-05:00

i just entered the apple world. i am now the proud new owner of a personalized lime green ipod shuffle. it's so cute! i devoted part of my afternoon to deciding which songs get to grace the playlist.

i sold one!

2007-02-05T19:41:00.001-05:00

thank you patience! isn't it great that her name is patience?! how perfect!

my newses

2007-02-05T14:27:00.000-05:00

i've decided to try my hand at this selling books online thing. i chose to go with half.com because that's where i usually find the books i want to buy. i'm thinking that if this actually works, it will be quite the bonus to my checking account. currently i have $358.15 worth of books listed. but i'm an impatient person. i want someone to buy them all now. and though i didn't expect to sell one over night, especially since people probably aren't looking for textbooks anymore, i was shocked SHOCKED when i went to my account and there were no sales. i just thought since i decided to try something new, everyone else would be as excited and buy everything i'm selling. maybe it's better if it goes slowly ... if i got that amount of money right away, i would probably scour everything i own and try to sell it online! to any who have done this before, what has been your experience? does it usually take quite a while?

in other news, i haven't been hired yet. i don't think my interview went terribly well on thursday. but i don't really know. it only lasted about 5 minutes. the guy hardly asked me anything and was so surprised that i didn't have more questions. i wanted to tell him that i would have tons if he hired me! he said they hire on personality and not experience. how can he judge my personality in five minutes? i don't know. i think my schedule might be a problem. he wasn't too keen that i wanted a week off in march and the summer off. let's hope it went better than i thought it did. i'm still waiting to hear from another promising restaurant that said they would probably call me this week. meanwhile, i'll soak up my free time while i can!

i have a job interview!

2007-02-01T13:19:00.000-05:00

i can't believe how fast it happened! i turned in my application yesterday around 4:00 and the guy called me back at 8:00 to schedule an interview. well, i wasn't here to answer because i was on my way to do free laundry and watch american idol with a friend. but i just spoke with him on the phone and i have an interview tomorrow! i kinda feel like i would jinx something if i say where it is, which is totally silly and ridiculous, but i will tell you if i get the job! i can't wait to be employed again! (not that i've minded all my free time so far!)

my new schedule for the new semester

2007-01-30T17:19:00.000-05:00

i know others have posted their new class schedules. i haven't yet done that because i hadn't finalized my schedule. this is the first time i've ever actually dropped/added classes. i've kind of shopped around. in a post in december, i was trying to figure out what was most important to me between teachers, areas of interest and schedule. well, it seems that schedule has won out. i can love a teacher and still hate the class. i can be keenly interested in the subject and yet hate doing the work. but, my schedule, if i love that then the rest of my time seems quite enjoyable as well. i'm not saying that the classes i have chosen don't have teachers i like or that i'm not interested in the subject. because i do like them and i am quite interested in the subjects. all in all, i think this may be one of my favorite semesters so far. i can say that because it's only the second day and i've only been to two of my four classes!

without any furthur ado, here is my schedule for now and hopefully for the rest of the semester. i'm not making any guarantees!

monday:
8-8:50 the minister and mental illness with dr. capps
(this is pending dr. capps' approval of my adding his class since i missed the first one)

3:30-4:20 science fiction, social criticism, and eschatological thinking with dr. osmer

tuesday:
10:40-11:30 pastoral care of adolescents with dr. dykstra

thursday:
3:30-4:20 devotional lives of great saints with bo karen lee

5:30-7:20 sci.fi. precept

friday:
10:40-11:30 pc for adolescents precept
(i'm hoping this time might change to earlier in the day or earlier in the week)

yes, indeed, that does say that i don't have any classes on wednesday! and i'm hoping that maybe the precept on friday will leap over to thursday but that is not especially likely. it also might end up being earlier in the day. and i still have to schedule precept time for the devotional lives of saints class. but overall, my schedule seems extremely scattered. i think i am going to like those great breaks in my schedule. hopefully they'll be used for reading homework and for going to the gym. another note, i think homework will be much easier for me because at least two of my classes have mostly fiction books. love that! the only thing that worries me is the 8 o'clock class. mornings are not my strong suit. but krista assures me that i can indeed get up that early and she'll help me be motivated for class. something else neat is that all my plenary sessions for classes only meet once a week. i recognize that this schedule might not look appealing to many other students but i really am excited about it. happy semester everyone!

well folks, i've done it

2007-01-28T21:16:00.000-05:00

i am now officially a reality tv junkie. i have actually voted as part of a show. and surprisingly, it is not the show that got me hooked on these contest shows i love so much, my beloved american idol. no, the show that captured my vote is grease: you're the one that i want! what can i say, it's hard not to vote when you can do it online or using an 888 number. i mean, i'm not so involved that i'm actually going to pay to vote!

i have a cramp in my thumb

2007-01-27T22:59:00.000-05:00

after a month of little use, i am re-training my hand for copious notetaking. how am i doing this? by filling out a million (or eight if you want to be more precise) job applications. job applications are tricky because they don't look like you have much to fill out but dang if you don't have a ton of information to put down and very little space to do it. i have to write significantly smaller than i normally do and infinitely more neatly. it has taken me nearly three hours to complete two and a half applications. this seems unreasonable to me! true, some of the time was spent looking up information of my previous employers and references, but still ... ridiculous. seriously, why do i need to list my personal achievements, military data (or lack thereof), personality data, four former employers, three college faculty references, two personal references and a partridge in a pear tree to work as a server at winberies?! i do understand why i need most of it but it really did seem over the top to have a four page application when most of my others are one to two. i hope applying for a real life job is not going to be this draining. at least then i 'll get to use a resume over and over instead of re-filling the same information eight, umm, i mean, a million times!

i lied

2007-01-17T10:02:00.001-05:00

last post wasn't the last time i would mention finals. it is too much to hold in the joy i feel because i am

FINISHED!

my first and probably only post about finals

2007-01-13T13:58:00.001-05:00

5 papers down, 1 to go

new year's post

2007-01-07T14:31:00.000-05:00

so, i thought the year in the life of a blogger post was quite interesting... thanks carrie and jenny! these are the first lines of the first blog entries for each month.

chestita nova godina! hello from bulgaria! (january)
out of chaos, hope. pts friends, you should come to the presentation in the mackay main lounge this tuesday from 12:00 to 1:30. (february)
taking my official stance: chris is going to win. (march, oh how wrong i was!)
i'm so happy! i just ate a sandwich! and pretzels! VICTORY! (april)
if you do still want to play,don't read this post. (may)
*blogging hiatus for 3 months*
yes jenny smith, it is september and i slightly lied in saying i would post once a month. what can i say, maine is distracting. (september)
i think i must be allergic to leaving maine i haven't felt well since a couple days before i left. (october)
the wild montana sky. montana...beautiful. (november)
my sanity may be at stake i'm having problems deciding which is more important to me next semester... (december)

dang this post took a long time because i got sidetracked reading old blog posts!

back in black

2006-12-19T10:09:00.000-05:00

ahh, a return to the color that i had originally for this blog.

it's kind of like going home.

puzzle of the day

2006-12-18T12:17:00.000-05:00

what does a person who doesn't like coffee do with a starbucks gift card?
(note: this person who doesn't like coffee does enjoy chai but is ultimately unimpressed with starbucks' version of chai)

possible solutions:
sell the gift card to someone who actually does enjoy coffee and/or starbucks.
try to convince themselves that they should learn to like coffee and go on a caffeine binge.
frame the unused card and remember the love with which it was given at the anonymous gift exchange.
donate the card to a fellow student trying to make it through finals stuff.
regift the card to a friend or family member.
write a blog post about it and take the advice of any commenters.
or, give the gift card as a reward to the first person who comments.
use the card as a negotiating piece in some kind of bargain.
leave the card in a random place as a surprise for anyone who happens upon it.

actual solution:
go to starbucks and patiently bear the slew of caffeine deprived people tussling to get in line for their fix while trying to look at the cds that are inconveniently placed at the cash registers and attempting to convince people they are not butting in line. find this fantastic cd by random chance. wonder what else they could possibly buy because there is not enough money on the card for another cd and not enough patience left to continue looking at them anyhow. get in line to buy the cd and remember it's near lunch time and find a tasty looking sandwich. and what luck, after using the entirety of the card, find that the remaining balance is exactly the amount of change (and any other money that is not in your wallet) that they have ... $1.89.

ultimate answer: the person who doesn't like coffee shall buy a cd and a sandwich at starbucks at such time as they are brave enough to face the popularity of said establishment.

i'm a quitter

2006-12-16T11:42:00.000-05:00

that's right. i quit.

i quit my job at the papery yesterday. it was harder than i thought it would be. i had decided at the end of november that i couldn't work there anymore. and since then, things had been a lot easier. i enjoyed work more because i knew that i wouldn't have to do it much longer. but when it came time to quit, it was hard to close this certain chapter in my life. i started working there in october of 2004. they were very good to me and honored a lot of my crazy scheduling requests. the owners of the store have treated me very well and i respect them a great deal.

but it was just time to say good-bye for a number of reasons. and when i actually did quit, it went much better than expected. i called the owner first because i wanted to be sure she knew that i did have high regard for her. it was important for me not to burn any bridges. and she was a lot more gracious than i expected her to be. she even told me to keep in mind a new store opening next year and i would basically be welcome there. (this is important because the main reason i'm quitting is because of something, er, um, someone specific at the princeton store.) then i had to tell the manager, which i was really nervous about. but she almost didn't react. just took what i said and was done. moved on. still in a good attitude. it was sort of strange. contrary to what i thought would happen. but really quite a wonderful blessing.

so, when i come back from christmas break, you can expect to hear about my new job hunt that will be commencing. i'm pretty sure i'm going to be looking for a restaurant job. something where i can keep more busy. meet a lot of new people. do something i feel i am good at. it's strange but i really do enjoy being a waitress/being part of a restaurant team. and, i would be remiss if i didn't mention that i expect to be paid better. restaurants in princeton are kind of expensive and that means bigger tips. not that that is the most important thing. really, the most important thing is that i feel my mental well-being will be much improved by a change of scenery.

thank you the papery for two years of retail immersion! hello new attitude of starting fresh!

peace is joy at rest

2006-12-13T21:20:00.001-05:00

and joy is peace on its feet

i've been reading...

2006-12-11T13:23:00.000-05:00

i recently started a new book for fun called "through painted deserts: light, God and beauty on the open road" by donald miller (author of 'blue like jazz'). this is the first memoir i've ever read for fun. i think i found the book once by just looking at some of the suggestions on amazon. i ordered it. it sat on my shelf for a month or two. then after i exhausted my new children's/youth literature i had recently purchased, i went on to this beautiful book. it makes me happy and sad in all the right ways. i love it. this passage is from the author's note at the beginning. for some reason, when i read, it struck just so and almost made me cry. as i reread it just now, i didn't cry but it's truth still hits me. i hope you enjoy.

life cannot be understood flat on a page.
it has to be lived;
a person has to get out of their head,
has to fall in love,
has to memorize poems,
has to jump off bridges into rivers,
has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under their breath:
i'll tell you how the sun rose
a ribbon at a time...

i need a lover...

2006-12-09T12:10:00.000-05:00

that won't drive me crazy.

yep, that's the song that was in my head when i woke up this morning and now i've finally broken down and am listening to it on itunes.

hey, it's a good song.

thanks john mellencamp.

i love weekends

2006-12-07T14:57:00.000-05:00

especially when they're in the middle of the week!

and especially since i don't really count the real weekend as a break for me since i have to work the entire time. i'm just saying it's nice to have a day with no responsibility because i am obligated to do something every single day of the week.

5 signs of a lousy job

2006-12-05T08:35:00.000-05:00

1. you dread going to work.
check.
2. you get no enjoyment from your day-to-day responsibilities.
check.
3. you are uncomfortable with the company culture and environment.
check.
4. your relationship with your boss is turbulent.
check.
5. you see no opportunities for career advancement or enhancement.
check.

i'm quitting soon.

hi jenny!

2006-12-04T10:03:00.000-05:00

today's the day you're supposed to read my blog!
(hopefully you haven't already so you don't miss your personal message)

my sanity may be at stake

2006-12-01T13:23:00.000-05:00

i'm having problems deciding which is more important to me next semester:

teachers
classes i'm interested in
relevance of the classes i'm interested in
schedule

any suggestions?

russia too?

2006-11-29T23:50:00.000-05:00

maybe.

i have itchy feet

2006-11-28T22:53:00.000-05:00

i can't help it.
i like to go places.
new places.
it's not that i don't like to go home.
i do.
but i don't know if i'll always have the chances to just go.
minnesota.
italy.
las vegas.
alaska.
antarctica.
to name the most current few.
i have goals.
all 50 states.
37/50.
every continent.
3/7.
i don't know what makes me so itchy to go.
it's just in me.
i want adventure.
i want to see places.
i want to meet people.
i want to learn new things.
i want to go.

oh yeah

2006-11-25T00:37:00.000-05:00

i could definitely get used to this no school thing.

although, it has put a cramp in my style that i still have to work. believe me, there are plenty of other ways i would like to spend my saturday than suffering through eight hours of standing on my feet. at least it's starting to get busier with the holiday season.

i went to see happy feet tonight. it was very cute and had more of a moral than i thought it would. i liked it and recommend it. when i was going up to get my free popcorn (which i asked for with no butter and got tons of butter on...uck. at least it was free), this guy who was obviously there to distract his friends who were working started talking to me and asked if i was seeing happy feet because it's the best movie out now according to him. and i said, indeed i was but it was a hard choice between that and casino royale. and that got him really talking. he told me how much he disliked casino royale and that nobody should see it (mostly because he wanted people to see happy feet) and it was just like watching poker on espn. it just so happens that i love watching poker so i do believe that casino royale is next on my movie list. i was just impressed at this dynamic person who just stood at the concession counter striking up conversation with whomever crossed his path. it put a smile on my face at least.

okay, you got me...

2006-11-20T20:05:00.000-05:00

yeah, that was totally me wearing slippers to class this afternoon. socks and shoes are just so tedious.

yeah, i totally wore them to go shopping after class too.

and yes, i absolutely was listening to the radio station playing christmas music already. and i was loving it!

the latest nyc adventure

2006-11-19T23:07:00.000-05:00

my beautiful friends...

my lovely friends aubrey and nicole (who i know from working in maine) came to visit last monday night through wednesday morning. we spent the day tuesday in the city. it was one of the most fun day trips i've had to new york. the adventure started after we could not find a single legal parking space at the princeton junction train station. we decided to drive instead. please don't tell my mom i drove in manhattan!

we started by going to strawberry fields in central park then headed down to times square. we met up with another friend, michael, bought theater tickets and had our first celebrity sighting of the day. there was a big to do in that middle part of times square between the virgin megastore and mtv. it was the game (who is apparently a rapper who is buddies with 50 cent). i didn't know who he was but aubrey and nicole did and were excited to see him!

then we made our way to canal street for some shopping and little italy for dinner where we had our second celebrity sighting. well, maybe not celebrity but famous person. at least someone who is in movies and on t.v.! we chose to eat outside at a nice italian restaurant and a guy from the next table over turned to ask us if he could smoke his cigar. i totally recognized him immediately but didn't know his name and couldn't remember for the life of me what the name of the movie was that he was in. finally, i asked my friends and they knew immediately i was trying to think of "can't hardly wait". our neighbor at the next table over was freddy rodriguez (one of the jock friends of the popular guy in that movie and also on the t.v. show "six feet under")! i'm sure he was aware that we had recognized him. he was a really nice guy and had a great smile. at one point, his wife's chair tipped over and hit me and he was really sincere and apologetic. i was quite excited to see my first celebrity in a normal setting (even though not an a-lister ... i think maybe he's a b-lister ???).

next we made our way back to the theater district to see 'rent'. this was my third time to see it but the first for everyone else and i was glad for them to see it because i love it so much. i must admit that drew lachey (who i saw the first time i went to see it) has been the best mark of all. but i was really excited to see my favorite lady from the supporting cast had moved up to one of the main roles!

then we walked to rockefeller center and back up fifth ave. to central park where we had to say goodbye to mike. then we made our way back to the parking garage. after all the walking, i was super thirsty so i decided to stop into a duane reade to get some water. celebrity sighting number three. okay, i didn't actually see him but my friends did. apparently garrison keillor was walking out the duane reade as i was walking in. i'm so sad i didn't get to see him!

once in the car, we drove all the way to the world trade center site. i must say that driving in new york city is not as hard as previously thought. though, driving at night is much easier i'm sure. but still, i find that i've had more problems driving in other cities (i.e. dallas, houston, chicago) than in nyc.

we got back to princeton around 2 in the morning. aubrey and nicole had to leave at the same time i left for class on wednesday. they had a long day of driving to chicago ahead of them. but it was an awesome visit for the short time they were here!

(i still can't believe we saw so many famous people! i never see famous people! i only always just hear the stories of how everyone else has had a run-in with a celebrity. three in one day. my friends are lucky!)

i'm having whelming problems

2006-11-13T12:20:00.000-05:00

i'm overwhelmed.
and
i'm underwhelmed.

is it possible to be both at once?!

i'm overwhelmed at all the things i need to do.
i'm underwhelmed by my incapacity to do it, or at least do it in a timely manner.

i'm overwhelmed by my desire to do certain things (like go to italy in march).
i'm underwhelmed by my consistent lack of funds to responsibly be able to do it (doesn't mean i won't do it, it means that i will be slightly stressed while planning it).

i'm overwhelmed by my sticky notes telling me to do things.
i'm underwhelmed that i take the time to write sticky notes but not to do what they say.

i'm overwhelmed that i'm always overwhelmed.
i'm underwhelmed that i never do anything about it except complain.

what to do with whacked out whelming issues...

ugh

2006-11-11T02:35:00.000-05:00

this is me not feeling well

the wild montana sky

2006-11-08T23:23:00.000-05:00

montana
beautiful
i'm not nearly a good enough photographer or my camera is not nearly as high quality as i thought and i did not often enough reach for it
i could not capture what montana is
this is not really a surprise
if you've been to montana, maybe at least you'll be reminded by my ramblings of the beauty you found there
if you've not been to montana, go
i loved it
who wouldn't fall in love with big sky country

as you may well have guessed, i quite enjoyed my time in missoula with my friend eliza. after being in all the time zones in one day on my way to missoula, i was quite confused as to what time my watch should read. this problem was confounded by daylight savings time. but once i arrived at eliza's, it didn't really matter what the clock said, i was having a good time.

sunday, i went to church with eliza. i loved it. if i ever decided not to be methodist anymore (not likely but still fun to entertain thoughts), it could be highly likely that i would become episcopalian. i loved her church. i loved the liturgy. i loved the statement of faith. i love their explanation of their denomination that they left in the pews. i love that they ripped off john wesley's quadrilateral without saying they did so. i also love that one of the activities they were sponsoring was a "sound of music" sing-along at a local theater. so, eliza and i spent the afternoon watching some of the 'house' marathon, eating burritos and drinking nasty fruit pop. (how much do i love that they say pop in montana!) then we went to the sing-along where there were people dressed as nuns, favorite things, etc. imagine rocky horror picture show for churchgoers...

the next two days i devoted to watching the entire first season of 'house' while eliza went to classes.

finally, after i had sufficiently shut my brain down so it could relax during reading week, i decided to explore the downtown area of missoula. i loved it. i found beautiful handmade montana crafts, cool and funky stores including a free trade store where i spent too much money and a store that sold custom made lotions where i let my creativity run wild in finding new combinations of scents for lotion thus spending too much time and money there. but it was fun!

we ate at a lot of good places. i met a lot of cool people. i saw a lot of beautiful things. i heard a lot of political campaigning.

one night, i don't remember which, we went to see the community production of 'cats'. it was awesome. i've always wanted to see 'cats' and aside from my blacklight/sock puppet experience in prague, i didn't think i would ever get the chance. i was quite impressed with the singing and dancing abilities of the theater folk in missoula. the only disappointing part was that grizabella the glamour cat wasn't a fabulous singer and it just so happens that she gets to sing the most famous song from the show. ah well, it was a great experience nonetheless.

on friday, we went to a bison range where the above picture was taken. alas, we saw no bison but we did happen upon an excessively large badger, elk, plenty of deer and a huge, glorious moon. when we got back to missoula we went to an art gallery type event in the downtown that they have every first friday of the month. all the galleries have new exhibitions and the public is welcome and they serve delicious free treats and show fabulous art.

saturday i spent driving from missoula to spokane, taking every scenic route that i had the whim to follow. don't be fooled by the potato reputation of idaho, it looks nothing like a potato and is quite beautiful. it rained for most of my driving but it was still very much worthwhile. i spent a significant amount of time driving around couer d'alene which someone mentioned to me once was the most beautiful place they had seen on earth. i wouldn't go so far but it was very peaceful to be around. finally, after some last ditch efforts to find souvenirs from idaho in the flying j truck stop, i made it to spokane where i stayed at my friend jeff's house for the night. i met jeff at olympic national park when i worked there. sadly, he had to work all that weekend and i didn't get to see him. but i did spend time with his fiancee and their son. it was a little weird because i had never met them but quite a wonderful family. then i got up way too early for my departure.

the only thing i can say about my time in airplanes on my cross-country trips is that i am a little irked with the new caterers at the minneapolis/st. paul airport. they delayed both my connecting flights that i had from there. the first time made me miss my flight in seattle. and a week later i thought they would have worked out the kinks, but they hadn't. it's okay .... gave me time to do the only school work i did over reading week: read 'scenes of clerical life' by george eliot. trust me, i needed time where i had no other options but to read it. it was a little hard to get into.

so, i cannot rave enough about the fabulous time i had in montana. it was soul-filling.

and all the while, i had this chorus in my head:

oh montana, give this child a home
give him the love of a good family
and a woman of his own
give him the fire in his heart
give him the light in his eyes
give him the wild wind for a brother
and the wild montana sky

-john denver with emmylou harris
"wild montana sky"

happy reading week!

2006-10-28T01:03:00.000-04:00

well friends, i'm going to be in montana until the 5th! i'm sure i'll be having a lovely time with my friend eliza and i will come back with pictures!

i hope your reading week is productive, restful, fun ... whatever you need!

peace.

i'm so excited!

2006-10-24T20:09:00.000-04:00

maybe preemptively so...

i emailed a great mentor of mine in youth ministry and asked if she would consider having me as an intern this summer. and she said she would love to! this would be so amazing! she's probably the main reason i considered youth ministry and meant a lot to me in my own spiritual development.

but, i have to convince chester this is where i should be able to do my field ed. this summer. any time i get excited about something regarding field ed., i'm always disappointed. i have a meeting with him tomorrow and i would greatly appreciate prayers that it all goes well. thanks friends!

i almost had a heart attack

2006-10-24T00:12:00.000-04:00

all of my itunes music was gone.

nowhere to be found.

some files were there, but most were not.

irreplaceable music.

well, at it would be an extremely expensive venture to replace.

even my computer guru wasn't sure what to do.

then, i remembered i did a norton virus scan earlier.

maybe i inadvertantly deleted files i shouldn't have.

so i tried a norton recovery option.

and it worked!

all my music is back and being lovingly listened to.

phew!

you will NOT believe what i saw today!

2006-10-19T15:50:00.000-04:00

gas for under $2 a gallon!! true, it was only .001 cent under but still ... seeing gas for $1.99 is truly exciting these days!

new list of things immediately concerning my life

2006-10-17T18:20:00.000-04:00

well, i just spent the entire day at the mechanics. i will have you all know that the huge accomplishment of being no longer in debt (besides student loans) is now null and void. the diagnosis on my car was that all four of my brake pads were completely shot. they had to be replaced as well as some other parts that i don't remember the name of now. also, my check engine light was indicating that my camrod shaft sensor is broken. i do understand now what this sensor does thanks to the patient man explaining it to me but i cannot relay to all of the nature of this device as i will muddle it all up. suffice to say that it is a little important but not a necessary repair because the crankshaft sensor is the one that really matters. if that ever goes, i'm screwed. oh, the reason this was not repaired is because it's virtually impossible to get parts for daewoo cars. and, this particular part had a crazy amount of recalls because cars were catching on fire. thankfully my car was not part of the recall. the guys at the shop amazingly got the stupid bo bice cd that was stuck in my player out. hallelujah! and they rotated my tires for free. all in all, they comped me a lot of stuff but i am still $550 poorer.

yesterday i got the estimate for the body damage to my car. almost $1000. but the insurance company shall pay for that. so, really, all i need is another $500 to repair the things that weren't caused by the collision with the guard rail and i should be all set. alas, all these car expenditures are making my vision of going to italy in march less and less viable. but i have not lost hope of that yet... i just have to be a lot more resourceful.

my friends sarah and tsetso made it to see me. and i was so glad to spend time with them, as little as it was. they drove from maine to d.c. in one shot. slept in the car, then toured the capital and drove to princeton to have dinner with me. then we got up and had breakfast with penny at p.j.'s pancake house. then we were off to new york. they were leaving for boston later that day so we decided sarah would drive to the city and i would take a train back. it was a good time. we went to the serendipity cafe and then around central park. then they had to go. i meandered through new york a bit more and then went to see avenue q. it was before i went to the show that i realized my car was not at the train station like usual when i go to new york and i would have to take a taxi to witherspoon since it was going to be fairly late when i got in. i had no idea a taxi from princeton junction to witherspoon would be $14! crazy... speaking of insanity, did i mention that after sarah and tsetso were going to boston, they were flying to puerto rico for the weekend, then driving to chicago from boston, then to minnesota and back to boston so tsetso could fly back to bulgaria by wednesday. tomorrow. i'm telling you my friends are insane in their travels. part of the reason i love them so.

i was feeling a bit stressed about work. this weekend past i spent $30 on parking just so i could work. that was not going to work out. i couldn't pay to be able to make money. luckily, my very generous owner (owner of the store, not of me) gave me a parking pass to use on the weekends and i will share the manager's pass for the weekday i work. that took a big weight off my shoulders.

i feel absolutely and utterly behind on schoolwork. although i did get to spend 5 hours reading while at the mechanics. i'm fairly nervous about the presentation i have due on friday. mostly i don't want to disappoint my group members because i know they have worked extremely hard. i think it's all going to turn out well though. i feel bad that i have missed so many classes lately. i missed all my classes on thursday so i could go to new york with my friends and i missed all my classes today so i could take care of my car. from now on, i vow to be the model student.

i'm also feeling very behind in my correspondence. i love so many people very dearly and am finding it extremely difficult to keep in touch with even a few of them adequately and i know i'm ignoring a vast majority. if you read my blog dear friends, please know that i think of you often, yearn for you much, and send love constantly.

what else. i should clean my room i suppose. but that's not a surprise really. actually, i should finish unpacking the last little things i have boxed up. really these are the things that make me happy. all of my necessities are out and the things that are still hidden away are the flourishes that really make my life happier. things like pictures of friends and family, keepsakes, knick-knacks with sentimental value and the art i need to hang.

i think that might be all that is on my mind presently. peace to you.

i'm ready for round two...

2006-10-10T22:08:00.000-04:00

so, i had mostly a lovely time with my visiting friends. one of the girls i worked with in maine and the other girl was her friend from poland (they live in the same town). so, i finally found them at the bus station in newark. i had to borrow krista's car because my car is making awful, horrible noises and i don't feel comfortable driving it very far. so, after getting up early on saturday to clean for them, working eight hours (on my feet the whole time), driving an hour in someone else's car, paying $10 to park for 10 minutes, and having to use the bathroom like nobody's business, i found them. and there were fireworks for some reason in newark that night. and we made it back okay. and there was much sleeping.

sunday was our free day for adventure. i really wanted them to say they wanted to go to new york so we could ride the train and not use a car. but instead, they want to go to philadelphia. krista very graciously lent us her car again. *side note: my roomie is fabulous* so, we have kind of a late start but, after eating some delicious pizza at iano's, we head out to philly. as we're driving in to philly and exiting toward downtown the car starts smoking. the heat gauge is way in the red. so we pull into an empty parking lot and pop the hood to see what's wrong. well, the radiator hose was totally cracked. we didn't know what to do so i start calling around. the first suggestion was to call 911. i wasn't very fond of that. then, while i was on the phone, a passerby told my friends where a gas station was but they couldn't remember the street names he gave them. so i went to ask this guard guy who was sitting in a car in the parking lot where the nearest station was. amazingly, he had some coolant in the back of the suv that he added to our radiator. and we drive to the gas station where we find extremely unhelpful gas station attendants and a bathroom that is out of order. most service stations are closed on sunday and the only one i found in the phone book that wasn't was closing in an hour and was far away from where we were. so, after another round of phone calls, we decide to use electrical tape to close the crack in the hose and try to make it to jersey. we go to wal-mart and buy coolant, 2 gallons of water, duct tape and electrical tape. while we're in the parking lot doing our work, many people stop and try to help. these two guys ended up doing the taping. so, we're set to head out but i feel bad because we came to philadelphia and my polish friends haven't seen anything. we drive by independence hall and head out. 15 minutes on the highway and we have to pull over cause the temperature is too high. we have to retape because it's all come loose from the heat and leakage. and we add lots of fluids. i must say that we did a far superior job of taping because we didn't have to pull over again until we got to 206 in jersey. one highlight on the way was that the moon was the biggest i've ever seen in my life and orange. so pretty. so, we finally get back to the apartment. i decide to treat my friends to a movie because i feel as though i haven't been an entertaining host. we saw the illusionist and one girl liked it and the other thought it was silly.

turns out that it wasn't just the hose in krista's car but the entire radiator. so, i feel awful that i borrowed her car cause mine was being weird and then i break her car. ugh!

so, yesterday and today, they went exploring around palmer square and the university while i was in classes. we've watched movies at night. i feel that i did a less than adequate job as a hostess. i wish i could have shown them more. but they kept insisting that they liked just relaxing in my apartment and were very pleased at the use of my cell phone and computer. i took them to the train station tonight and they are off to buffalo, ny. my friend iza really made an around the country trip: from maine to montana by bus, to las vegas, the grand canyon and l.a. by bus, then flying to miami, bus to d.c. then newark and now buffalo, then nyc. crazy. kinda jealous. it was good to hang out with them but i'm glad for a night's full rest.

my friends sarah and tsetso that i know from maine as well are coming tomorrow night. i'll be very glad to see them. i hope i can show them a better time. we're going out to dinner tomorrow and then i think we'll go to nyc on thursday. or, d.c. but only if sarah drives! and then, they have to make it back to boston on thursday. i swear that my friends must love crazy, whirlwind trips.

it's so good to see people from maine. i do miss it. i mean this year didn't seem as good as last year but i know i won't go back and that makes me sad. it was funny, one night recently, i had a dream with elements from maine, college, my hometown and princeton in it. it was weird to see all the different parts of my life collide in my subconscious. it really is strange when two of your worlds meet.

okay, i should probably stop because this is a huge post that probably nobody will read. but, it has to keep my faithful readers entertained until probably friday or later because of my round two of friends visiting and then my recovery and then working for the weekend and trying to find a place that will work on my daewoo (the most inconvenient car to have when you need maintenance because it's not common so parts are hard to find and are expensive and people don't want to work on them because they're built strangely). i wouldn't hold your breath waiting for my next post. peace!

i found my friends!

2006-10-08T11:28:00.000-04:00

we're going to philly today. hopefully my car doesn't die or explode.

i'm a bit concerned

2006-10-06T22:30:00.000-04:00

my friend iza (who is polish and i know from maine) just called and said that she and her friend will take a bus from d.c. to princeton tomorrow. good, i told her when she should expect me to pick her up and we hang up. while we were talking on the phone i was trying to go to the website of greyhound to see where the station was in princeton. but i guess iza had to get off the phone or didn't like talking on it (who can blame her?!) so we hung up before i got to the site. well, when i finally do get to the site, i find that there is no station in princeton. i try to call the company but the operator is extremely unhelpful and downright unpleasant. so i try to call iza back but the call can't go through. i think she used a pay phone that doesn't take incoming calls. so, i sent her a frantic email. i don't know if she'll get it. i don't know what she'll do when she goes to the bus station. i don't know where i'm supposed to pick her up. i don't have any way to contact her. i'm quite a bit concerned. i know it will all work out but i just want to know how right now. plus, i would rather not drive my car a great distance (like to philly or newark where there are greyhound terminals) because it has started making horrible noises which cause a great bit of concern in me. and to top it all off, i work tomorrow from 12:30 to 8:30 in a store that is notorious for not getting cell phone reception. ay Dios mio!!

i think i must be allergic to leaving maine

2006-10-04T18:13:00.000-04:00

i haven't felt well since a couple days before i left. that was probably the 13th of september. 21 days. 3 weeks. i've felt like crud most of the time. sometime's it's more manageable. but the newest development was a headache that started at 9:30 on monday morning and is just now subsiding. maybe i'm allergic to something. maybe i caught some rare new virus that takes a month to get over. maybe i'm a hypochondriac. whatever it is, i'm ready for it to be done.

good news! i do have friends from maine coming to visit me! maybe this shall be my cure...

this is a HUGE accomplishment

2006-09-30T15:45:00.000-04:00

i just totally paid off my credit card bill. i am debt free. well, except for my student loans, which actually are quite a bit. but still, for right now, i don't have anything to worry about paying. it's such a freeing feeling. phew.