very glad to have a much happier post! praise God!

ahhh, yes, i had a bad day yesterday. but, thankfully, it did not end poorly. the bit of heartbreak that i added to the list was in reference to the fact that i don't think i'm terribly good at youth ministry and that i may at times have a hard time opening up in foreign countries. the thing is that those are the two key pieces in what i feel is my calling to be an international youth minister. i was more than a bit heartbroken, in fact, i was devastated. i even entertained thoughts of what i could do if i forsook it all and left ministry. (it wasn't much since my degree is in religion and philosophy!) i'm just telling you all this so i could give a good lead-in to how i was cured of such egotistical notions of not being good enough for my call. every night, i try to read the devotional "my utmost for His highest" by oswald chambers before i go to bed. i don't always succeed but fortunately i did last night. and guess what the devotional was about . . . God's calling. it talked about how we forget the nature of the One who calls us. "the call of God is the expression of God's nature, not our nature". but the lines that really hit me were "the call of God is not the echo of my nature; my affinities and personal temperment are not considered. as long as i consider my personal temperment and think about what i am fitted for, i shall never hear the call of God". well, ain't that a kicker. it doesn't matter if i'm good enough for my callling; God still wants me to do it. i tend to believe that God knows and understands a little bit more of the goings-on of this world than i! God really does care about our struggles and He always answers them. sometimes we ignore or don't see the answer but other times it hits us blaringly in the face and all we can say is "praise God".