maybe i just wish i was going home

i can't figure out why i'm so melancholy about leaving a place that i didn't particularly enjoy. this year has been rough for me and i'm ready for a change of scenery. but then, i get weepy (not really crying but you know, just sad) while i'm packing up and thinking about everyone leaving. i'm tired of leaving places. i'm ready to not have to pack up and leave for a while. but i know that i'm going to be doing this for the next three years at least and who knows after that. ann would tell me this feeling is because i'm a post-adolescent. it's part of me dealing with intimacy vs. isolation stage in erikson's theory of development. it's nice to know that there are psychological reasons for the way i'm feeling but i'm here to tell you that it kinda sucks. i probably don't want to pack because i know that my next destination is going to be another experience of having to meet new people and i have a hard time with that and feelings of loneliness. maybe i just have to make a decision that the coming experience is going to be different. i have to choose to adjust and respond in a better way than i usually do. an optimistic attitude is nice to have. i just hope that i can keep it during the next month.

on the up hand, i'm excited about spending time in maine. here's a little quote that i've particularly felt resonance with lately.

Our suicide poets (Plath, Berryman, Lowell, Jarrell, et al) spent too much of their lives inside rooms and classrooms when they should have been trudging up mountians, slogging through swamps, rowing down rivers. The indoor life is the next best thing to premature burial.

i'm glad to be done with the classrooms for four months so that i can trudge up those mountains and spend my time at the beach. i'm hoping for a renewal of the mind and a refreshing of the spirit.

blessings to all that are leaving wherever they are and embarking on new adventures!