some things that are wrong in my life
don't worry. i'm not depressed or anything. i'm actually in a quite amiable mood. i just felt like posting and i couldn't think of anything. so, i thought, why not do a little confession time. i mean, everyone loves to read the juicy details of what's wrong in someone else's life so they can feel better about theirs, right?
1. my neighbor drives me freaking insane sometimes. i think she is a very nice girl but when she does some of the LOUD things she does i think to myself "i hate her". i don't like 'hate' and i don't like that thought coming into my head.
2. i haven't done very well with money management since i've been in new jersey. i used to be very good at saving money and here, i just spend spend spend all the time. it's ridiculous. it's unnecessary. it's sinful. you cannot serve both God and money.
3. i haven't felt very good the past couple of days. friday night was the worst i felt. but, instead of doing things that will help me feel better, i decide to do things that probably make things worse i.e. i stay up way too late last night, i eat mexican food tonight, i'm procrastinating homework so i will have another late night.
4. i'm not eating foods that are good for me. i've started drinking pop again. yes, i said pop. not soda and definitely not coke for everything. pop. my feet have been falling asleep a lot lately and i'm pretty sure it's because i'm not getting enough water. oh, and i do things like skip lunch so i'm really hungry by dinner time and eat way too much. this is why i'm fat.
5. i'm a hypocrite. most glaringly obvious is that i'm a seminary student but i'm probably feeling the least attuned to God that i have ever felt while being a christian. i go to chapel and sing whole-heartedly "Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise, Thou mine inheritance, now and always: Thou and Thou only, first in my heart, High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art." and then, the very same day i try to get a free ipod by signing up for some offer i don't need and then encouraging others to do the same. there are more examples of hypocrisy but number five is getting pretty long.
6. i think i'm in "love" with boys that are thousands of miles away from me. i don't see them and rarely talk to them. sadly, this probably feeds my infatuation because then they don't get on my nerves and i can idealize them. that's just dumb and i know it.
7. i am constantly re-realizing things that i should do to make my life better and healthier. and then i ignore them.
8. i'm a social being by nature but i have poor socializing skills. i am extremely inept at small talk. i'm awkward in very normal, everyday situations. i'm a dork. i'm glad for people who stay with me long enough for me to be comfortable enough to really be myself.
9. i'm not very good at having a phone. i don't like talking on the phone. i prefer leaving messages. sometimes, i'll call someone when i'm pretty sure they won't be there just so i can leave a message and make it look like i was being a good phone girl. sometimes, i leave my phone on and it dies and i don't realize it to charge it for a long time. but the worst is that sometimes, i see who is calling me and ignore the ringing because i don't want to talk to them ... and these people are my friends!
10. i want to keep in touch with people and i want people to stay in touch with me but i don't do enough about it. i have 49 emails waiting in my inbox to be answered. i have phone problems (see number 9). i buy tons of stationery goods and rarely send stuff out. i talk to people on messenger but it's mostly surface level stuff. oh and sometimes, i ignore people on msn too.
11. i want to talk to my parents but they're never there when i try to call and their hotmail isn't working. sometimes i forget to call until after i know it's too late for them to be up.
12. i'm way behind on some school-related things. i'm not even close to anything with field ed. i'm so far behind on reading for new testament. thankfully, i have a system to read systematic and i think it will work. it has so far for the two days i've been on it.
13. basically i'm unorganized. my brain is a befuddled mess. surprisingly, i'm doing okay about keeping my room clean for the past couple of days.
14. i'm not as good at thinking theologically as my many friends here at seminary. i have a hard time applying things to the real world. sometimes, people make expected connections and i just don't think like that. i'm not dumb, i'm just not very good at applying any intellect that i do have.
okay, i'm going to stop now. i could go on and on. but i'm done for tonight. like i said, i'm not in a bad mood or anything. this is just stuff that i live with on a day to day basis. it might be affecting the amount of joy i have but i'm not depressed. there it is.
1. my neighbor drives me freaking insane sometimes. i think she is a very nice girl but when she does some of the LOUD things she does i think to myself "i hate her". i don't like 'hate' and i don't like that thought coming into my head.
2. i haven't done very well with money management since i've been in new jersey. i used to be very good at saving money and here, i just spend spend spend all the time. it's ridiculous. it's unnecessary. it's sinful. you cannot serve both God and money.
3. i haven't felt very good the past couple of days. friday night was the worst i felt. but, instead of doing things that will help me feel better, i decide to do things that probably make things worse i.e. i stay up way too late last night, i eat mexican food tonight, i'm procrastinating homework so i will have another late night.
4. i'm not eating foods that are good for me. i've started drinking pop again. yes, i said pop. not soda and definitely not coke for everything. pop. my feet have been falling asleep a lot lately and i'm pretty sure it's because i'm not getting enough water. oh, and i do things like skip lunch so i'm really hungry by dinner time and eat way too much. this is why i'm fat.
5. i'm a hypocrite. most glaringly obvious is that i'm a seminary student but i'm probably feeling the least attuned to God that i have ever felt while being a christian. i go to chapel and sing whole-heartedly "Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise, Thou mine inheritance, now and always: Thou and Thou only, first in my heart, High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art." and then, the very same day i try to get a free ipod by signing up for some offer i don't need and then encouraging others to do the same. there are more examples of hypocrisy but number five is getting pretty long.
6. i think i'm in "love" with boys that are thousands of miles away from me. i don't see them and rarely talk to them. sadly, this probably feeds my infatuation because then they don't get on my nerves and i can idealize them. that's just dumb and i know it.
7. i am constantly re-realizing things that i should do to make my life better and healthier. and then i ignore them.
8. i'm a social being by nature but i have poor socializing skills. i am extremely inept at small talk. i'm awkward in very normal, everyday situations. i'm a dork. i'm glad for people who stay with me long enough for me to be comfortable enough to really be myself.
9. i'm not very good at having a phone. i don't like talking on the phone. i prefer leaving messages. sometimes, i'll call someone when i'm pretty sure they won't be there just so i can leave a message and make it look like i was being a good phone girl. sometimes, i leave my phone on and it dies and i don't realize it to charge it for a long time. but the worst is that sometimes, i see who is calling me and ignore the ringing because i don't want to talk to them ... and these people are my friends!
10. i want to keep in touch with people and i want people to stay in touch with me but i don't do enough about it. i have 49 emails waiting in my inbox to be answered. i have phone problems (see number 9). i buy tons of stationery goods and rarely send stuff out. i talk to people on messenger but it's mostly surface level stuff. oh and sometimes, i ignore people on msn too.
11. i want to talk to my parents but they're never there when i try to call and their hotmail isn't working. sometimes i forget to call until after i know it's too late for them to be up.
12. i'm way behind on some school-related things. i'm not even close to anything with field ed. i'm so far behind on reading for new testament. thankfully, i have a system to read systematic and i think it will work. it has so far for the two days i've been on it.
13. basically i'm unorganized. my brain is a befuddled mess. surprisingly, i'm doing okay about keeping my room clean for the past couple of days.
14. i'm not as good at thinking theologically as my many friends here at seminary. i have a hard time applying things to the real world. sometimes, people make expected connections and i just don't think like that. i'm not dumb, i'm just not very good at applying any intellect that i do have.
okay, i'm going to stop now. i could go on and on. but i'm done for tonight. like i said, i'm not in a bad mood or anything. this is just stuff that i live with on a day to day basis. it might be affecting the amount of joy i have but i'm not depressed. there it is.
posted by kyledawn @ 10:18 PM
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