i don't know where to go from here

i have a headache. i don't think i'm getting enough oxygen. i have been confronted with so many new ideas and theologies today that i am just swimming in intellectual pandemonium. my brain processes are slowing down because of the overload of new ideas that are bombarding my capacity to reason. it's been a long time since i've been challenged to critically think. i love it and i hate it. i want to talk about the church and changes it needs. i get excited about the new possibilities. i have been a proponent for church change for a while. i'm having a hard time reconciling all the things i get passionate about (maybe passion isn't the right word anymore) with each other because i'm not convinced that radical change can occur on many levels at one time. i get hopeful about new ideas but i have to be skeptical as well. errrrrr, i feel like i'm not making sense at all. i really have something to say and i don't know what words to use. turmoil, upheaval, restructuring, headache. i want my brain to think faster, process more acutely. i don't want to sit back anymore and just hear the dialogue that i'm not catching on to. i want to engage but i can't find the right questions to ask. i can't even process my thoughts into coherent laments! i'm done with this post. i thought it would help for me type some things out but i really don't think it's doing anything but adding to my frustration.