well,

after probably a complete 24 hour period of no motivation or ability to write, two sleepless-ish nights, failure to turn in things on time and a reflection on grace, i have preached my second sermon for preaching class. it was okay. i would say there were some good things and some not so good things in the sermon. i really appreciate the constructive comments from my classmates. i'm glad for the criticism. the compliments are sometimes hard to take but they're good to hear too. haha, that seems totally backwards doesn't it! i'm actually glad that when angela (our teaching assistant) was asking questions there was silence. i'm glad to learn that i can't always expect people to understand my points or where i'm leading. it will help me to learn precision in thought and clarity in communicating. i was so nervous about preaching a narrative sermon. i was afraid that what i wanted to say was going to interrupt what God was trying to say. i think preparing this sermon has been a holy experience. it was holy but it was not easy. and isn't it just like elijah that when i felt so far away from the glory of God, that's when God was the nearest.

also, even though it sounds cheesy, i really do feel like i have a strong connection with elijah now. we're friends. i hope that whenever i preach a sermon in the future that i do feel drawn deeper into the Biblical story. i felt it with john the baptist. i felt it with elijah. God is using these scriptures to get my heart. i've never felt that so completely before. thank you Holy Spirit.

grace

it's hard to accept.

i don't deserve it. that's the point. but i feel guilty asking for it. but it's given freely in love. it's hard to handle. it's not only worth it, it's necessary. i don't know how to live with it. you can't live without it. i need peace. and grace.

advent

o come, desire of nations,
bind in one the hearts of all mankind;
bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
and be Thyself our king of peace.

rejoice!
rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee,
o israel.

imagine if you will...

a nice holiday break where students can sleep in and get much needed rest. now, imagine one of those alarm clocks that sound like this right next to your head. welcome to my world this morning at probably around 6:45.

apparently, my neighbor left for holiday break without turning off her rather loud alarm clock that does not automatically shut itself off. i think it probably started going off around 6:45 but it took me until 6:53 to really wake up and realize what was going on. if you have a normal alarm clock, they usually turn themselves off after several minutes. not so with my neighbor's. i had to go down the hall and call security so they could come unlock the door and shut it off. the security man (much to my relief) gets here rather quickly and i go help him shut it off. turns out the alarm clock is right next to where i lay my head on the other side of the wall. it's actually a digital alarm surprisingly but i guess you can set it so it makes the very loud noise of one of the ones with the two bells. i made sure to not just snooze it but turn it off completely so this does not repeat for the rest of the week! i thought that was clear thinking on my part for just having woken up...

on two up notes, i saw snow flurries!! and, HAPPY FIBONACCI DAY!

now, i'm going back to bed.

my ears hurt

i don't like that.

hmmm...

well, it seems as though i haven't found anything exciting (or as exciting as ecclesiology) since last monday. although, i am certain that i had a pretty interesting week. maybe i was just too busy living to bother blogging. or maybe i was lazy. who knows.

but here's the excitement of today: i have almost all of my christmas shopping done! the only things left are (and i'm open to suggestions): one last item for my mom; something for my 95 year old great uncle who doesn't really need anything; a generic gift of about $15 for a family gift exchange; any other miscelleneous gifts i might need for any parties to which i'm invited.

i finished a book today: the penultimate peril. i'm a big fan of the lemony snicket series of unfortunate events. the book ended with an unexpected twist. oh how my children's books series keep surprising me (also twisted ending = most recent harry potter)! i am sad to say that i discoved two very careless editing errors in the usually well written books by lemony. although, it is quite possible that in this series, those errors would be clues pointing to something interior that i have yet to discover...

ecclesiology is exciting

i love talking about the church. today, both my classes focused on ecclesiology. what is the purpose of the church? what are we supposed to be doing? where should the theological focus of the church be? i'm all kinds of riled up. this is an affirmation of how much i love the church (an affirmation that has been sorely needed) and an affirmation of how much i think the church needs to change. i'm ready to get out there in the field right now. this is why i came to seminary!

the world looks differently today

there is grace gliding down with the leaves
there is mercy whispered in the wind
there is hope in a smile returned
there is joy spreading across the blue sky as effortlessly as the clouds
there is love in the aliveness
there is promise in the creation

three things i have to say rather quickly because i am writing a paper

1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KADE DENNIS!!!! everyone, my brother turns the bold age of 27 today. for no rhyme or reason, i've always had an inkling that 27 is the age where things really happen. i'll guess we'll see this year if it's true in my brother's life.

2. i think it is hilarious that origen's mother hid his clothes so he couldn't go outside and be a martyr. i seriously laughed out loud when i read that and kept chuckling about it for several minutes. maybe it's not as funny as i think and i was just tired and delirious because of all the things i had to accomplish for today. i can understand origen's mom hiding his clothes because she just lost her husband to martyrdom and didn't want to lose her son. but i wonder, if origen was so adamant about wanting to be martyred (being a fool devoted to Christ and losing your life for it), wouldn't he have risked the slight embarassment of nakedness. he could have even used it as an advantage and increased his testimony. we are just never sure about these things i guess.

3. i get obsessive/compulsive about checking other's blogs (and looking for comments on my own) when i'm procrastinating.

snapshots in my head

speaking of wishing you had a camera, i wish i had one last night. let me paint you the picture with words instead (dim as they be): tree silhouettes illuminated by a light that was filtered and pulled by the fog surrounding it all. it was just beautiful. oh how often i find myself in need of a camera. there are so many snapshots in my head! well, i shall comfort myself in believing that my camera doesn't function well enough to have been able to capture the sight i saw last night. i don't think my camera can really take any night shots. it's a shame.

the surprise of the semester

of all the classes that i have this semester, i thought preaching would be the one i liked least. first because i don't really forsee myself going into ministry where i preach on a regular basis. i mean, i anticipate that i will be asked to preach occassionally but not enough where i thought i would benefit from a formal class about preaching. second, i was terrified about preaching to my colleagues; to very smart people who know as much, if not a whole heckuva lot more, about theology as i do. to be completely honest, that reason was why i was so nervous yesterday before (and during) the preaching of my first sermon at pts. usually when i preach, i have a kind of confidence, not in what i have done but in that the Holy Spirit is going to work through me. that peace was not present yesterday. but i have preached my first sermon in preaching class. and i feel good about it. people were very amiable in their responses during class. and even though i did find more critical comments on the sheets that were given to me, i am still very grateful for those. it has come through loud and clear that i need to be more loud and clear (more emphasis on the needing to be louder!).

but, the most surprising thing of this semester is now that i've preached two sermons (one for field ed. and one for preaching class), i find that delivering those sermons really brought an energy to my life. it is a blessing that was wholly unanticipated. i'm not saying that i think the sermons i preached were the greatest ever but i felt good about them. i guess it's a good thing that i feel so amicably toward preaching since i get to do it again tomorrow in my preaching seminar!

i think the best thing about these preaching classes is that i've had the opportunity to hear some really great sermons. if i haven't been spiritually fed in church lately, i have rested in the Word of God spoken by my classmates. they have just been beautiful. it really makes me want to get to know some people better. not because i was intrigued by their theology, though that does play its part, but because i really have seen a lot of talent and it gives me hope that these people are going to have a great impact on churches. i'm excited to hear more and learn from my peers. bring on the holy word!

there is always hope

always.

thankful in many ways

first, i would like to express my gratitude for my friends who have been supportive and patient with me during this time of grieving, especially because i'm away from my family during this hard time. i appreciate it.

second, i would like to say that i'm thankful for a bit of humor in this week. i just locked myself out of my room. i had to call security and wait ten minutes for the very kind security guard to come. did i mention that this is all done in a bathrobe? yes, i was on my way to shower when magically my door locked itself behind me. you should have seen the security guard's face: shock, empathy and a bit of amusement.

a new saint to remember today

jeannette christine jeardoe. born march 27, 1981 in guatemala. died october 30, 2005 in kansas.

she was: the mother of three year old bryson, the daughter of melvin and ora lee, sister, granddaughter, neice, friend, my cousin.

she died tragically and unexpectedly.
she is loved greatly and missed greatly.