the most insane test of my life

vocabulary from nine chapters (minimum of ten words per chapter).

translating twenty-one verses of the Bible and the ability to parse any of the eighty-eight verbs (parsing involves writing down six to eight pieces of information for each word).

reproducing thirty-four charts (at least four things on each chart; usually six or ten; some have up to thirty).

fourteen sentences with parsing.

fifteen principal parts (there are six things to memorize for each principal part).

all this in greek.

little bit peeved at my teacher.

the beginnings of stress?

i hope not.

i have been doing homework this week. it makes me realize how much i miss when i don't do homework. and, it makes me feel as though i am thoroughly behind in everything and there is no way to catch up. but, i do appreciate the engagement of my mind that has happened more recently this week. i have learned something very important though: i have lost the ability (if i ever had it!) to focus and really learn from an hour long lecture while sitting in an uncomfortably warm room surrounded by 150 other students. if you've ever read 'a new kind of christian', the main character describes what his ideal seminary would look like. i just have to say that i'm totally for what he proposes. alas, i do not have time to explicate it for you now because i have to study a bit for greek, revise my speech, and maybe finish the cone reading for this week. but maybe someday i will tell you what it's all about and why it's appealing. or, you could just go read the book.

whoa ...

it's only 10:00 and it's only tuesday and i have successfully completed two of my systematic reading's for this week. this is a new experience for me. not only that but here are some other surprising things/changes of lifestyle that have occurred this week: on monday morning, i was able to get up early to do some homework; today, i didn't take any naps but rather did some reading; at dinner tonight, i joined one of my teachers for dinner and discussion; tonight i did some tae-bo before american idol and i still finished my reading for ruether tuesday.

i guess that whole guilt thing really did affect me enough to effect some changes. i'm glad.

i can't believe i stepped on one

i really really really dislike worms. they gross me out. presently, there a million worms all over the sidewalks of pts. and i have to look down and look at them so i don't step on them. but that means i see the ones that have already been stepped on. it's nasty. and today, i must have lost my focus because i stepped on one right before i got to my dorm. i actually, physically shuddered. i wonder if people saw that and wondered what was wrong with me!

a funny thing about today

so, my screen name on messenger was "happy 23rd birthday ann elizabeth!". i made sure to put her middle name because i have another good friend named ann from my college days and i knew a bunch of sc folk would see my name and i didn't want them to think it was sc ann (i thought surely everyone knew her middle name is louise!). so, i was gone for most of the day and i couldn't find out if anyone was confused. i finally check it tonight and my buddy ross's name is 'happy birthday ann'. so, i told him he was prolly confused. and he sure was. oh my gosh, crack me up! i don't know how long he had that on there. but the funniest part is that he sent her a card!!!!! i was dying laughing! poor ross though. and i bet ann louise is confused as all get out.

but hey, guess what:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANN ELIZABETH!! (for another 59 minutes ... live it up!)

a day of celebration!

HAPPY EASTER! HE IS RISEN! CHRIST JESUS LIVES TODAY!

first big news: my friend karen got baptized today! yay!!!! she even got baptized in a methodist church so that's extra glorious ;)

i went to somerville today for church. i was supposed to be introduced to the congregation as their intern for next year but they decided there was too much going on. it was a pretty good service (even though we didn't sing the two songs that i've always sung on easter!). the focus obviously was on the risen Christ but the sermon was really about mary magdalene. i feel like some of the stuff was theologically stretched but i'm sure it was meaningful to the people. i really enjoyed the fact that the pastor would preach some and then a soloist would sing a song. the music was beautiful. very moving!

tonight we went to macaroni grill to celebrate ann and terrence's birthdays. both their birthdays are tomorrow but it made more sense to celebrate tonight. a good time was had by all (all = ann elizabeth, terrence holman, jennifer diane, emily rose, matthew robert, geoffrey alan, and kyle dawn). some highlights: jenny thought that some sauce in a dish was vinegar for her bread and then realized after she had poured some on her plate that it might have been emily's salad dressing (it wasn't the salad dressing but it was funny!), coloring on the table, 'happy birthday' sung in italian, and many more. oh, and another funny was when ann and i were trying to get back into alex and ann was trying to open the door while balancing everything she was holding and she said "i'm losing everything . . . i'm losing my mind". and oh boy, the way she said it cracked me up!!

we just got done making cookies for ann to take to the daycare, greek precept, and send to her friends. 64 cookies. i had a good time hanging out with ann and emily learning some hebrew words, watching a bit of a movie, interspersed semi-serious conversations, just having some good clean fun! and one of the funniest parts was when ann was pulling a tray of cookies out of the oven and the tray tipped and all the cookies slid down to make a glob of gooey cookie mess. it was funny! thankfully there was still exactly enough cookies without that pan!

oh good times, good times.

now, i must do homework. i'm really going to be good this week. the guilt has been too much for me to handle (as it should be).

my soul, my life, my all

when i survey the wondrous cross
on which the Prince of Glory died
my richest gain i count but loss
and pour contempt on all my pride

see from his head, his hands, his feet
sorrow and love flow mingled down
did e'er such love and sorrow meet
or thorns compose so rich a crown

were the whole realm of nature mine
that were an offering far too small
love so amazing, so divine
demands my soul, my life, my all

isaac watts wrote it
my heart sings it

put your nose in the air, say it with me: maw blaw

i just got back from the papery where we had a training session on the new line of pens we are carrying: montblanc (pronounced in a very lazy french accent 'maw blaw'). it was actually kind of fun to learn all about luxury fine writing instruments (the proper language to say fancy shmancy expensive pens). i am full of little tidbits about the company if you are interested. for instance, montblanc is the highest mountain (at 4810 meters) in the alps that border the countries of france, germany, and switzerland. montblanc is itself in switzerland. the company changed its name to montblanc in 1906 while the three owners were looking at the mountain. i could go on and on but i won't because i know i'm being really nerdy about this and nobody really cares. but, come to the papery if you want me to show you my fine new sales techniques regarding the montblanc line.

lots of cool things

i feel like it's been a while since i've done a quality post but i just realized it's because i've been enjoying real life too much. even now, i had to force myself to update because i know that a lot of cool things have happened that i would like to share but i really just didn't want to take the time to blog. maybe i blog more when i'm unhappy or bored; when life is engaging me, i'm less interested. this seems very profound and interesting to me but it really may be nothing at all besides a preramble before i get into the post. (note: yes, i meant to type preramble. it's a play on words. one of my idiosyncrasies is that language really does fascinate me and my favorite kinds of jokes are really just plays on words and double entendres and that sort of thing.)

first of all, my dogsitting days are over. hallelujah! i mean, i did enjoy dogsitting and living off campus but i started feeling way out of touch with folks and missed living on campus. kinda sad to see the option of free laundry go. although, the lady i dogsat for in the country said i could send stuff home with her and she would wash it for me. i don't really think i would ever do that but hey, it's nice to know the offer stands.

yesterday, i went to new york city to see my southwestern choir folks sing in carnegie hall. i loved seeing everyone! it was a little hard to have enough energy to be as excited as i should be because i still wasn't feeling well. it's hard to be in new york when you don't feel up to par. but i really did have an amazing day so i'm just going to focus on that right now. my friends ann and jeremey met me at penn station and then we went to times square-ish area to have some good new york pizza for lunch. then we hopped on a subway to go to fao shwartz. ann and i totally played the giant piano! (note: i guess i should let pts folk know that the ann i refer to is my kansas ann who was my roommate all fours years of college. it's confusing in some conversations now that i have two ann friends.) so, after the toy store, ann and jeremey had to go to rehearsal at carnegie. so, i thought it would be a good idea to go the met since it still baffles me that i've been to nyc many times and have yet to go to a museum. first, i decide to call my buddy mark who is from sc as well and was in new york but is not in the choir. he tells me that museums aren't open on mondays. that sucks. but why did i still think it would be a good idea to go to the met and check just in case?! so, i get myself to a subway station and accidentally take a train to queens. that's the first time i've really gotten messed up on directions in nyc. i think it was because i didn't really have to try hard or spend a lot of time in my decision-making cause it was only me who was depending on these decisions and i didn't care too much if i got lost. so, i finally get to the met. and, yes, true to what mark told me, it was closed. so, i didn't know what to do. there was nothing else i really wanted to see or had terribly much time to get to. i decide to walk the thirty blocks back to carnegie hall. i didn't really have the right kind of walking shoes on though so my feet started hurting. but i was glad to see more of central park on my walk. i decided that it would really be a good idea to just find a coffee shop and sit and read the book i brought. so, i'm walking down 57th looking for a coffee shop and i find a store/museum of lladro. i remembered that my spanish teacher loved lladro and because i was in the mood to see pretty things, i decided to go in there and look around. after that i finally found a starbucks not too far from carnegie but first i wanted to explore a store next door called kate's paperie because have come into my papery store and told me about it. it was a lot larger than i thought but very cool. so finally i get to my starbucks and call my friends and tell them i'll be there waiting. and then i look out the window and see jeremey walk by so i get up and try to catch up with him. then i see everyone in choir cause they had to get their pictures taken. it was great to see everyone but i didn't get to spend much time with many of them. so then we (ann, jeremey, a kid named adam, and me) decide to go to the hard rock cafe for dinner. mark joins us there eventually. it was a good time. i love my ann! i mean, you have to know she's an awesome girl if she was able to live with me for four years!! after dinner, we head to their hotel so they can change to their choir stuff and then we head out to carnegie again. mark suggested that we get a cab because it would be easier and splitting the cost wouldn't be very much. the bad news is that we had five people but the cabby could only take four (even though it was a mini-van!). so mark tells us to get in while he jogs/walks to carnegie hall. okay, here's an interesting part of the story. i try to get in line to get tickets so i asked some people if they were in line and they said no and asked me if i wanted tickets. they gave me two free tickets to the concert! sweet! so, mark and i sat on the very second row in carnegie hall for free. the music was very good. i had a couple of spiritual moments. but then i started to get anxious because i wanted to make a 10:34 train and the concert didn't get over until 10:05ish. just so you know, i thought the 10:34 train was the last one back to jersey for the night and the next one would be at 4:42 a.m. so, i'm rushing to a subway station and i get on a train. i'm so thankful that it was there exactly when i needed it. but then, the train doesn't move. there are a bunch of people that keep getting on so i think it will eventually go. but it doesn't. so at 10:20, i get out and grab a cab to penn station. it was kinda cool to go through times square in a cab but i was too nervous about missing the train to enjoy it. so, the cab gets there at about 10:33. i throw a ten at the cabbie (about a $4 tip) and run through the train station. it was totally one of those movie moments. but by this time, i know that i've missed the train. so i go up to the ticket booth and i find out that there's another train at 11:09. and then another after that. it was totally ridiculous that i thought the 10:34 train was the last one (even though that's what the internet said!). so, i get on my train at 11:09 and i'm waiting and then sarah marsh gets on the train! i didn't expect to see anyone from pts on a late train on a monday night! turns out that her high school choir was singing at carnegie too . . . with my college's choir! (the concert was three different sets of different choirs combined) what a small world! so, it was good to have some company on the way back. but dang i was tired after all that.

today, i took a lot of naps. glorious. i didn't shower til 1:45 this afternoon. kinda embarassing. i really enjoyed my theo.fo. class today (theo.fo. = theological foundations for ministry with youth). also, i loved being on campus today and seeing people that i normally see on an eveyrday basis but hadn't spent much time with the past couple of weeks. it was fun to eat in the cafeteria again and just chat with folks over a meal. after dinner, i was discussing with emily some pictures i had taken (because emily takes excellent pictures and i very much value her opinion in that area) and a plan was tentatively formed to go to the shore on good friday to be in a setting to take pictures and have some fun. i'm totally stoked about that. then, some of us (krista, larissa, nicole, jenny, eleanor, and me) went out to charlie brown's to celebrate that krista has finally finished her finals from last semester. yay for krista!! she can be a normal student again! it was a good time at charlie brown's. good, cheap margaritas and some interesting conversation. i wanted to go join the emergent cohort meeting after we were done hanging out but we ended up staying there longer than i thought we would. i didn't really feel comfortable going over in the middle of the meeting and interrupting. i mean, i know it would have been okay but there were a lot of people there and i've only been once before so i thought i would just head back to seminary. it was cool because i'm pretty sure i saw that dr. torrance was there! so, when i got back i thought ann (pts ann this time) would find it interesting that the prez was at the emergent cohort meeting. and she was impressed. then, we got into one of our compelling conversations (which i love and have missed during my sabbatical for dogsitting).

so that's what's happened these past couple days. i didn't think this post was going to be this long so i'm very impressed if you have made it this far! i just have to say that the theme for the past couple days has been the appreciation of friends. i love my sc friends so much and it made me so happy to see them. and now, i'm realizing that i have made some really good friends here at pts and i think a fresh recognition and gratefulness for that happened today.

i've got some good news and i've got some more good news

i officially have a field ed. position at somerville umc!

this is my last day dogsitting! i'm coming back to alex tonight! (but first, i have to clean the house:S)

i thought i'd feel better today

but i don't

something that made my whole day

well, today wasn't particularly a pleasant day. i still don't feel well. i went to greek class and decided not to go to precepts because i felt crappy. i hate missing classes. so, i'm coming back to the country and my boss calls me and wants me to come in early because the owner was feeling horrible and shouldn't be there. dang it if i'm the only one she can call. and dang it even more that i'm a pushover even when i feel like crud. so, i went in to work early. she bought my lunch. great. i get a free lunch on the day i have an upset stomach. so, i was at work forever. not having much fun cause i had to do most everything while my manager sat in the back ordering things off the internet. but, i was looking forward to the evening because friday nights are usually slow and allow for time to sit. except not this friday. lots of people. lots of projects.

BUT!

my friends jenny, emily, and ann came in to visit. it was really a simple thing for them to come in because they had dinner in palmer square and got ice cream at halo pub but it really did make my day to see friendly faces. i really have been feeling out of the loop and kind of lonely while living in the country and it was a nice surprise to have people come to see me. gosh, why am i almost crying when i wrote that! how dumb! it's cause i'm not feeling well and small gestures mean a lot to me. ann, emily, jenny: thank you! you all win!

good news and bad news

the good news is that my paper was a response to a book that i did have with me in the country.

the bad news is that i feel super sick to my stomach. i didn't make it in to systematic this morning and i don't think i'm going to greek either. i feel like i should go to hinduism because i have a paper and have to talk but i don't know . . . i also really want to go to speech to hear everyone's options assignment.

ALACK!!!

so, i just now realized that i have a paper due tomorrow. and i'm in the country. i don't have any books. :S i might have to go back into town and get one of the books off my shelf to help me. forty minute to an hour drive for just one book. stink. i better go read my syllabus first and see if i really need it. and just when i thought i was going to go to bed early cause i have to get up at six . . .

always look on the bright side of life

my optimism seems to be coming more easily to me these past couple of days and i don't really know why. but hey, i'm not complaining!

i'm currently living in the country. it's beautiful and it's nice to get away from campus and be in a real house for a while. and, i did six loads of laundry ... totally free! lovely! the dog this time is a little less well behaved but it's understandable because she's still a puppy. but dang she has the highest pitch bark of my life and it annoys the snot out of me. but, if i bark at her and she thinks it's something outside, then she'll do her low, real bark. oh man, that last sentence made me sound like a dork cause i'm sitting here in this house all alone barking at the dog. at least, i didn't tell you all that i like to do my funky dance moves around the house too!!

"i'm tired, though, i'm tired. i can't go on, i can't go on. mark, can you go on. huh, yeah. that was a yes." sorry, i was just going to say how tired i am cause the dog wakes me up at six every morning but i got sidetracked and started writing down a conversation that was recorded on a third day cd. wow, i'm weird tonight. i think it comes from the fact that i don't really have anything to say in this post so i'm just putting the random thoughts that enter my head.

i would like to thank carl for the awesome cd he made for me! i listened to it on my commute from school. (ha! i commute!) there are some pretty good songs on the cd and i love that he would think to make me a cd. plus, i think it's hilarious that the last song is a monty python song (the song title is the title of this post, by the by). i'm sure the people in the car behind me probably thought i went a little crazy when i started laughing and dancing when i had been pretty mellow for all the songs before it (i was sitting at a light for like four changes of the light when the song came on. that's how i know the people in the car behind me could see me!)

so, if you're in the mood for something really weird: i've been having the strangest thoughts today. i think part of it stems from the weird dream i had last night. i dreamt that i got married. normally, that kind of dream would make me, a long-time single, very happy but it wasn't a good dream. people didn't approve of the marriage. i was all second guessing and didn't know if i wanted to be married. i felt uncomfortable around the guy (umm, don't think the guy was anybody i know. don't know if i ever saw his face. in case you were wondering). okay, so just now, i was thinking to myself that i really can't ever see myself as married. i mean, like real life married. i can definitely daydream about all the romantic adventure stuff but i can hardly fathom what it would be like to live day in and day out with the same person. wow, new revelation kind of stuff to me. [p.s. these new revelations don't mean that i don't still want to get married. they're just revelations that i don't know what's it like to be in that kind of relationship]

okay, i think i'm going to go to bed. early. really didn't mean for this post to be so long. that's the problem of me being a rambler.

well . . .

itinerary day is over. i completed everything on the list. i am so miserably tired. i haven't done any studying over reading week. i hate that. i haven't started memorizing greek business. ugh. i need to pick up all my stuff out of the foyer so the dog doesn't eat it. geez. i have to get up way the heck earlier than usual to get back to the seminary cause my current residence is country. man. i just want to go to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

this is why i don't do itineraries

the first thing i did this morning was lock myself out of the apartment that i don't have a key for while wearing my pajamas and having two fairly big, hyper dogs with no leash (i had the buzzer collars). long story that i don't have time for because i am 45 minutes off schedule already. itineraries just stress me out because i always inadvertantly throw myself off!

quite a day!

well, first of all, good news: we got tickets to u2! umm, the excitement really stems from ann. i mean, i appreciate u2. i think they're awesome. but maybe i should learn a few more of their songs before the concert in october ;)

today was my two job work day. somehow, i did both jobs and still managed quality time with the dogs. i felt guitly yesterday for not taking them out as much as they probably need. i think i made up for it today. we totally bonded.

my good friends emily and ann came over tonight to watch 'thirteen'. that's a heavy movie. you know, the kind of movie where you have to sit there in silence for several moments afterward to process.

oh goodness, i have to go to bed soon. i have a crazy day tomorrow. i even made an itinerary. if you know me at all, you know that i do not make itineraries. but for sanity's sake and the necessity to make sure i do everything i need to do in a timely manner, i made one. i have to take care of two sets of houses/pets. i have to go to church in somerville. i have to go to the hindu temple in the evening. umm, i need to go over to the seminary to get stuff for my stay at my next house but i didn't put that on the itinerary so i don't know how it's going to fit in.

too bad that i didn't do a lick of homework this entire reading week. i had such high hopes too. i really am quite disappointed. at least i read some in the book 'a new kind of Christian'. i just figured out tonight that i have a paper due on thursday for a class in which i haven't read anything. whoops. when am i going to become a responsible student? i really want to. maybe tomorrow.

first round of dogsitting under way

yes, my house/dog sitting has commenced. this week, i am friends with tillie (a sweet but sad looking black dog), casey (a fun, maybe hyper but super nice mutt), and george (the kitty who likes me to pet him. nice to have a cat that likes my attention!). they are good animals and i'm glad to be able to stay in an apartment for a while. it was an adventure trying to make the glorious queen size bed i get to sleep in!

next week, i'll get an entire house to myself. i'll be watching a dog for a lady i work with at the papery. it's going to be awesome. laura even wrote down a shopping list of things to buy for me to eat when i'm there. i get awesome real non-cafeteria food for a week! and free laundry! who wins?! i win!!

sadly, my third house/pet sitting option fell through. kinda sad but i think it will be okay. it is confusing trying to figure out exactly how i'm going to get to these houses while balancing school and work.

so, if you can't find me for the next week and a half, it's cause i'm elsewhere. haha. use my cell if you need to reach me.

a message from ann

if you are not interested in u2 tickets, stay off the internet on saturday morning!

what a glorious day, today

yes, i am thankful for new days and new starts. yesterday just wasn't a highlight in my life.

i got an email from chester this morning (for those that i haven't told the details about my 'rage fiesta', this part of the post is in reference to that). he seems like he is reconsidering my request for deferral which is a good thing. for some reason, i still don't have the utmost confidence in him but we'll see what happens.

so, now, the only lingering badness of yesterday is the bruise on my finger and the slight hint of garlic butter in my room. last night, right before i went to bed, i got my finger caught in my closing door. these doors are heavy. much pain. but hey, at least i got a cool bruise. as to the butter, we had pizza last night (which was fun!) and i was responsible for removing the evidence, i.e. taking out the trash. well, i bring the box to my room and lean it against my trash can. for some reason, i forgot that there was still a half full container of liquid garlic butter in there. i didn't realize that it was leaking out of the box until it was all out on my floor. i got it cleaned up but that smell kind of lingers. but you know what? i can handle bruises and stinky rooms, no problem!

i just knew that when i woke up today, it was going to be a good day. i mean, things couldn't be worse than i felt yesterday so anything is going to be an improvement. i did not, however, anticipate that i would be woken by my phone with my boss on the other end asking me to work the entire day at the papery. it'll be okay. i'll just be a little drained when i get to bell choir. and my feet will hurt and they will definitely stink. but, i get to work with laura b. who is fun and a half. so, my spirits are not down yet!

i just want you to know

that i am really grateful to those people who pray for me. sometimes i can't even fathom that anyone would talk to God concerning me but i know that some people do and i really appreciate it. during my little rage fiesta earlier this evening, i asked one of my friends from sc to pray for me. and i know he will and i know he'll ask others too. it's empowering to know people care so much. it's a wondeful feeling to know that you can ask some people to help you in this way anytime and they will be faithful about it. i mean, sometimes i'm not good at praying but if someone really asks me in earnest, i really try. so, thank you so much people who pray for me and if you need me anytime, i would love to talk to God on your behalf as well.

now, you might be asking yourself 'what is this rage fiesta?' but really, at this present moment, i'm more concerned with asking myself 'is anytime a word?' i mean, should it be the proper any time or is it okay to combine it to anytime. i mean, i see the one word bit more than i see the two words but i just don't know if it's correct.

so, i had some low points today. honestly, i was the angriest i have ever been in my life. it was very upsetting. i have never been one inclined to kick or hit anything but i actually kicked the wall in the mail room. what i really wanted to do was take a drive with some loud music but the roads are all snowy/icy so i couldn't do that. i picked probably one of the healthiest options actually. i did some tae bo. it was good. then i watched american idol. that was good too. had some pizza and beverages upstairs. that was fun. i know, i know, you're saying that i haven't told you why i was angry and i'm merely skirting the issue by telling you how i dealt with it. the thing is that i don't really want to get angry again so i'd rather not talk about it or spend the significant amount of time it would take to blog about it. i kinda like to have my little fit and then forget about it. although it wasn't really a 'little fit' this time but you know what i'm saying!

okay, i think i'm done with this post.

enjoying art in d.c. 

a good weekend to kick off reading week

this weekend i went to maryland with ann to see her aunt and uncle. we left on saturday morning and got there around lunch time. we had some sandwiches and then we headed out to a mall. i finally bought the divine comedy by dante and ann got some chacos. then we went back and watched monster's inc. ann's aunt made an awesome dinner. it was so good! then we watched the bourne supremacy (lots of movies this weekend ... prolly to ann's chagrin). we went to bed early and it was glorious. read a little bit before sleepy time. i promise i'm going to finish 'a new kind of christian' before this week is done! sunday, we went to our nation's capitol! we parked in union station and walked to capitol hill and then went to the botanical gardens. next stop: national gallery of art (east wing). i was excited to see some calder, picasso, gris, monet, dubuffet, etc. but i was most excited to see magritte. i had seen a lot of the spanish artists already and other way famous stuff but never saw a magritte before and i'm REALLY glad i got to! a fun part of touring the museum was the art lesson that ray (ann's uncle) kept giving her. next, we headed to the smithsonian's natural history museum by way of a sculpture garden. we saw a great exhibit on dinosaurs and the hope diamond. (i've stopped making links because it's taking a lot of time and i doubt if anyone looks at them all anyway!) then, we went to the national archives to see the declaration of independence and the constitution but the line was too long so we just looked at the other exhibit. then we went back to maryland and i was introduced to music from avenue q. really want to see that show now! we relaxed a bit and then went to an italian restaurant. and then, another movie: the terminal. i had seen it before but i really like it. went to bed early again after some reading. this morning, we came back to princeton. we had some good conversation, some laughs, and some minor concern when we weren't quite sure how to get back. okay, i laughed at ann a lot this weekend. but that's because i think she is one of the funniest people i know. funny not necessarily with jokes but just in spirit. and i promise i'm not making fun . . . i really do appreciate ann! oh and the best thing was the ranch dressing (ask me if you want to know. prolly not as funny to anyone else since they won't have the picture in their head!)

p.s. i had to post the picture above because the picture thingy is being stupid and won't let me type text and have the pic.

it's the only date in the year that's a command!

happy march fourth! ummm, good day but kinda tired. going to sleep soon. watched elf tonight and had pizza with krista, nicole and larissa. mini snowball/ice fight with larissa. good times. going to maryland and d.c. for the weekend with ann. it's gonna be fun! yep, going to sleep now.

two beers and two friends

well, my friend ann and i just had a significant, poignant at times, discussion tonight while partaking in the glory of cider beer. she thought it would be good for me to blog about some of the ideas and i know that i have to do it immediately, lest i forget anything.

it all starts with the social stygma of singleness. we are frequently and brutally confronted with the idea that people need to be in romantic relationship to be happy. (i'll say to anyone in romantic relationship that this is in no way an assault on you or the happiness you've found!) why must people feel they are not complete unless they have a partner?! it's a lie that should be effaced. okay, so here are some of the highlights of the discussion:

- remarks by people who think we need this in our lives
if you are single, i'm sure you have been confronted with the well-intentioned grandma or the curious aunt that says "are there any men (or women) in your life?" or, you are surrounded by friends who are in meaningful relationships (whether dating, engaged, or married). these people are all well meaning in nature but sometimes their questions or statements can be cutting to those who lead the single life. who says that an almost 23 year old should have had a serious relationship by now?! what kind of social standard are we contributing to and perpetuating. it is a glorious thing to find someone you love and want to share your life with but it is not something that should be rushed or something that you feel pressured to get done! there is nothing wrong with leading a life of singleness.

- feelings of inadequacy leading to the need to flirt?
the stygma of singleness can lead to some very destructive internal thoughts, most often of which is the feeling of inadequacy. why haven't i had a relationship? is there something wrong with me? am i unlovable? anyone can agree these are not healthy thoughts. why would we encourage a societal standard that leads to such destructive dementia? these kind of thoughts lead to more quandaries of: what should be done differently if i want to get a mate? do i need to flirt more? do i need to put myself out there in a way i'm not doing? i think not. if a person is socially ept and capable of having normal friendships, i don't think there is the need to be overtly flirtatious in order to land a man (or woman). i'm not saying flirting can't be fun, because it is sometimes. i'm saying it is neither necessary nor is it something that would inherently correct the 'problem' of singleness.

- the need to obsess in a relationship
one problem of singleness is that it may lead a person to overcompensate in other areas of their life. one way this may happen is in unhealthy obsession. a person may become too devoted to friendships in their life; too obsessed with people that are merely comrades and not companions. this can lead to jealousy when that comrade does themself find a romantic companion and leaves the one with the unhealthy obsession with a heart full of jealousy. this is not a healthy relationship. the benefit of having a romantic relationship is that it gives kind of a leeway into having a healthy obsessional relationship. it's okay to be infatuated with one person if they are your romantic partner. it is expected that you would feel more strongly, more passionately, more inclined to do things for them. in other words, it is okay to be obsessed with the one you love romantically.

- God is the one relationship we should pursue whole-heartedly
we must not neglect the fact that God is the one we have to put first. it is right and necessary that we love God more than anything or anyone else. God has to be the King of our heart. God is the only one that deserves such devotion and obsession. romantic relationships can be a beautiful reflection and example of how God loves us, but it can NOT be a substitute. it reminds me of the great commandment. we are to love God with all our being. and then, we are to love our neighbors. God is first but by no means are we to ignore our love for other people. but, we must remember that human relationships, no matter how good they are, are never perfect. there will always be a time when someone you love lets you down. God's love is perfect. God never lets you down. no matter how many times we fail God, God's love is unfailing. how wonderful is that! and, oh how often we forget it! we know that God should be first but why is it that we never really can feel satisfied with that. how selfish are we?! but, even though we are failures, it is necessary to constantly remind ourselve that God is the apple of our eye. God is our truest soul mate. God is the love of our lives. none can compare.

- lives of singleness (1 Cor. 7)
paul writes beautifully on the topics of marriage and singleness. paul upholds that marriage is a beautiful thing and something a person who is married should be dedicated to. also, paul makes the point that singleness should not lead to shamefulness. singleness is a thing to be cherished. think of all the time and energy a single person has to devote to God. marriage is a blessed thing but how much more blessed is a life wholly devoted to God. some people are called to lead a life of singleness and they should not be condemned for it. it can be asserted that some people that are married might have actually been called to a life of singleness but were not able to follow through with that kind of lifestyle. indeed, singleness is a hard thing but it can be joyous as well.

- benefits of singleness
there are many things that i have done and am grateful for that i could not have done had i been married or bonded to another person. i probably would not have been able to see so much of the world or gone on the many adventures i have entertained. a person can be entirely fulfilled without having a romantic relationship. there are many opportunities for a person of single status that may not be open to a couple.

- if it's meant to happen, it will at the right time
while i glorify the state of singlehood, i will admit that i do long for a romantic relationship. but i don't want to be jealous of those with such a relationship because i know there is happiness and joy in both situations. i am a believer that if it's meant to happen, it will at the right time. it could be that someone is called to a life of singleness. it could be that someone is called to a life of singleness until they are forty. it could be that someone is called to a life of singleness until they are in college. it's a hard thing to discern. but there is always hope and there is always reassurance when we give our concerns and dreams to God and trust that things will happen in the right time, God's time. admittedly, it would be a whole lot easier if God would just tell us what's going to happen so we don't have to worry about it but maybe this is a lesson in trust and obedience.

disclaimer: i just want to remind everyone that this was not a knock on relationships but a commentary on the inappropriateness to condemn singles to lives of unhappiness or unfulfillment.


*ann, if there is anything i left out, feel free to remind me and i will edit!