some things that are wrong in my life

don't worry. i'm not depressed or anything. i'm actually in a quite amiable mood. i just felt like posting and i couldn't think of anything. so, i thought, why not do a little confession time. i mean, everyone loves to read the juicy details of what's wrong in someone else's life so they can feel better about theirs, right?

1. my neighbor drives me freaking insane sometimes. i think she is a very nice girl but when she does some of the LOUD things she does i think to myself "i hate her". i don't like 'hate' and i don't like that thought coming into my head.
2. i haven't done very well with money management since i've been in new jersey. i used to be very good at saving money and here, i just spend spend spend all the time. it's ridiculous. it's unnecessary. it's sinful. you cannot serve both God and money.
3. i haven't felt very good the past couple of days. friday night was the worst i felt. but, instead of doing things that will help me feel better, i decide to do things that probably make things worse i.e. i stay up way too late last night, i eat mexican food tonight, i'm procrastinating homework so i will have another late night.
4. i'm not eating foods that are good for me. i've started drinking pop again. yes, i said pop. not soda and definitely not coke for everything. pop. my feet have been falling asleep a lot lately and i'm pretty sure it's because i'm not getting enough water. oh, and i do things like skip lunch so i'm really hungry by dinner time and eat way too much. this is why i'm fat.
5. i'm a hypocrite. most glaringly obvious is that i'm a seminary student but i'm probably feeling the least attuned to God that i have ever felt while being a christian. i go to chapel and sing whole-heartedly "Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise, Thou mine inheritance, now and always: Thou and Thou only, first in my heart, High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art." and then, the very same day i try to get a free ipod by signing up for some offer i don't need and then encouraging others to do the same. there are more examples of hypocrisy but number five is getting pretty long.
6. i think i'm in "love" with boys that are thousands of miles away from me. i don't see them and rarely talk to them. sadly, this probably feeds my infatuation because then they don't get on my nerves and i can idealize them. that's just dumb and i know it.
7. i am constantly re-realizing things that i should do to make my life better and healthier. and then i ignore them.
8. i'm a social being by nature but i have poor socializing skills. i am extremely inept at small talk. i'm awkward in very normal, everyday situations. i'm a dork. i'm glad for people who stay with me long enough for me to be comfortable enough to really be myself.
9. i'm not very good at having a phone. i don't like talking on the phone. i prefer leaving messages. sometimes, i'll call someone when i'm pretty sure they won't be there just so i can leave a message and make it look like i was being a good phone girl. sometimes, i leave my phone on and it dies and i don't realize it to charge it for a long time. but the worst is that sometimes, i see who is calling me and ignore the ringing because i don't want to talk to them ... and these people are my friends!
10. i want to keep in touch with people and i want people to stay in touch with me but i don't do enough about it. i have 49 emails waiting in my inbox to be answered. i have phone problems (see number 9). i buy tons of stationery goods and rarely send stuff out. i talk to people on messenger but it's mostly surface level stuff. oh and sometimes, i ignore people on msn too.
11. i want to talk to my parents but they're never there when i try to call and their hotmail isn't working. sometimes i forget to call until after i know it's too late for them to be up.
12. i'm way behind on some school-related things. i'm not even close to anything with field ed. i'm so far behind on reading for new testament. thankfully, i have a system to read systematic and i think it will work. it has so far for the two days i've been on it.
13. basically i'm unorganized. my brain is a befuddled mess. surprisingly, i'm doing okay about keeping my room clean for the past couple of days.
14. i'm not as good at thinking theologically as my many friends here at seminary. i have a hard time applying things to the real world. sometimes, people make expected connections and i just don't think like that. i'm not dumb, i'm just not very good at applying any intellect that i do have.

okay, i'm going to stop now. i could go on and on. but i'm done for tonight. like i said, i'm not in a bad mood or anything. this is just stuff that i live with on a day to day basis. it might be affecting the amount of joy i have but i'm not depressed. there it is.

i can't believe i'm turning into one of these people ... i'm so ashamed

so, i do want a free pink mini ipod. i decided finally to try one of those sites that advertises that you can get one if you complete an offer. so, i find a good offer (i think) and i sign up. bad news = i have to get five other people to sign up for offers too. oh no! i know that people generally like to avoid this kind of stuff but if you want to join a music club, dvd club, an airline discount club, or get a credit card you should go to freeipods.com using my link so that you can help me out! the one i joined was the airline discount thingy. i think it's going to be a good deal and apparantly i get two free airline tickets. i also recommend bmg beacuse you can get 12 cds for the price of 1 (but you do have to pay about $2.50 for shipping on each cd). also tempting is the columbia house dvd club. if you have some extra money, help me get my ipod so i can have a soundtrack for my life!!

weblog updated entry #58

last night i went to see neah's concert in queens. it was awesome! neah is extremely talented ... wow! lyle did an awesome job too. i wish the crowd would have shown more enthusiasm for him. p.s. i've been to 4 out of 5 boroughs in nyc (though technically i only drove through the bronx). look out brooklyn, i'm coming ... sometime!

today i went to church at hopewell umc. i really enjoyed it. it's a church that i would like to go to regularly. the bad thing is that i don't feel like i can because they don't have/need/want a field ed. person and i have to find a field ed. church. all this pressure to find a church to work at when i really just want to go worship somewhere.

i was seriously, dangerously close to getting into an accident today. it would have technically been my fault since i almost rear-ended someone. but why would anyone stop randomly in the middle of a 45 mph road?! i really thought there was no hope of me not hitting them. thank God for good brakes and the fact that they started moving right before i hit them so there was no collision. all i could say was 'praise God'.

except without the spiky hair

this is how i feel this morning.

i'm an idiot

you would think that my goal of being more academically honest would be extremely helpful to my learning this semester. it would be ... if i went to my class. so, my morning is scheduled that i have two classes, chapel, and then one more class. i realized this morning, however, that i had forgotten which room my third class was in so i decided to skip chapel to come back to my room and find out. so, i look at my little blue sheet where i write everything down and i see stuart 4. i think that is wonderful because it's on the first level of stuart and i don't have to hike up a million stairs. so, i do stuff on my computer for the rest of my skipping chapel time. then, before i head out, i check one more time to see where my class is and again, i see stuart 4. so, i'm sitting there in stuart 4 and as people are walking in, i'm amazed at how many actually signed up for hinduism. then i see the two people on either side of me looking at the same book. a book that is not about hinduism nor a book that i own. i start to get a little nervous. this would have been the ideal time to lean over and say 'hey, what class is this?' but no, i rationalize in my mind that it is quite possible that these two people have another class together and are merely looking forward to it this afternoon. then, the teacher walks in and she asks us to move the tables into discussion format. she. hey, i thought the teacher of hinduism was a guy. oh well, i help move tables. and then class starts. no introduction. uh oh. not the first time this class has met. crap. the discussion is about sin. hmmm. by this time, it is far past the starting time of class because it takes a couple minutes to manuever tables, etc. i can't get out of the class without disrupting or looking a fool. so, i sit through an hours worth of discussion of a book i didn't read about sin. it was really quite interesting. my favorite part was when a guy brought up a platonic idea that ignorance is a sin (well, bad behavior); that if people were educated they would not be sinful. well, i thought, that is certainly the case with me presently. if only i had been less ignorant about where my class was, i certainly wouldn't have committed the sin of missing the first class of a once-a-week class. the really horrible thing is that in the far reaches of my mind i kept thinking "i thought i had a class in stuart 9. maybe it's a precept. but, no, i thought it was a regular class. oh well." my class was in stuart 9. and, i'm looking at my little blue sheet and it does say stuart 9. the problem is that there are black lines on the blue sheet and i wrote the 9 so that the top curve of it is on the black line and it looks like a four if just glanced at. oh, one more stupid moment. i thought hinduism only went until 11:30. so, when i escaped from the sin class at 11:34ish, i could have gone up and joined my hinduism class until 12:30 but silly me thought it was already over (plus, i had to pee really bad) so i just came back to alex. i wrote my teacher an email telling him that i am idiot and asking what i should do. man, that email makes me look really stupid to a princeton seminary professor. great. this is me, kyle garst, the dummy who wrote the right number down and read it wrong twice while on a specific mission to find what room i'm in and thus went to the wrong class on the first and only day of class this week. academic integrity? heck, i should just strive for attendance.

i am enjoying life right now

so, the next semester has begun. it began on monday but because i'm being a lazy blogger, i'm just writing now. i haven't had all my classes yet but thus far i am generally pleased. i did have a bit of a dilemma last night. i wanted to start doing homework (because this is going to be a semester of honest study!) and i realized i don't have any of the books. that was good planning on my part ... dummy. i really liked my theological foundations for ministry with youth class (what i like to call theo.fo.). i think it's going to be fun and i love talking about youth ministry.

so, my pal ann has finally gotten me to start the book 'a new kind of christian'. though i am only halfway through, i highly recommend it! it's an easy read but it truly makes you think. plus, you can have some cool conversations with friends who have already read it that you haven't talked to in a while (yes, experience).

i'm beginning to think this post is quite random and it may not even make sense. i'm going to buy my books now. peace.

it's a beautiful sight . . .

we're happy tonight! walking in a winter wonderland! i've decided that you can still sing that song because it never really mentions christmas so it's just a winter song.

winter wonderland


"sleigh bells ring. are you listenin'? in the lane, snow is glistenin'. it's a beautiful sight! we're happy tonight. walkin' in a winter wonderland"

the snow really is beautiful. tonight we saw sparkles as we walked from the snow that was falling. i love it. i really do. i've been waiting all year for this!

"gone away is the bluebird. here to stay is the new bird. he sings a love song, as we go along, walkin' in a winter wonderland."

speaking of birds, i saw some sea gulls when i went to wal-mart. i never thought about it but i guess sea gulls don't migrate (???). i felt bad for the poor guys; they must have been super cold. i don't know if they were singing love songs but they were definitely making their sea gull noises!

"in the meadow we can build a snowman. then pretend that he is parson brown. he'll say, "are you married?" we'll say, "no, man! but you can do the job while you're in town." OR "in the meadow, we can build a snowman and pretend that he's a circus clown. we'll have lots of fun with mister snowman until the older kiddies knock him down."

now, i haven't built a snowman yet. the snow didn't seem really packable. i tried to make snowballs but really i'm just not good at that. boys are so much better at making snowballs! why is that?!

"later on, we'll conspire as we dream by the fire to face unafraid the plans that we made walkin' in a winter wonderland."

wow! didn't know that was all one sentence until just now. alas, we cannot conspire (or perspire as i sing in my own version) by a fire. we do have a fireplace but it's just decorative. the theory is that they (the higher ups) don't trust us enough to let us have a functioning fireplace.

"when it snows, ain't it thrilling?! though your nose gets a chilling. we'll frolic and play, the eskimo way, walking in a winter wonderland."

yes, it is so thrilling when it snows! who cares about cold noses . . . not me!! we definitely frolicked and played yesterday. don't know if we did it the way eskimos do. we did attempt snow angels. it's hard when the snow is this deep. we jumped in, ran through, took pictures of, and ate the snow! i couldn't feel my butt when i came inside. that was neat. i heard someone say that people shouldn't walk through or play in the snow because it's not pretty like that. it should just stay all fresh and clean and uncorrupt. you know what i say to that?! bah! playing is just as important (if not more) than aesthetic beauty. i do admire the fresh, clean beauty of it but it won't stay forever so you have to have fun in it while you can!

today, i had to clean off my car. that was a new experience. don't think i've ever had so much to clean off before and then it was dicey as to whether i would actually be able to back out of the parking spot because the dumb snow plows end up making huge heaps behind the cars. oh well, mission was accomplished and i made it to wal-mart and walked around with very wet pants (i had to step in some deeeeeeep snow while cleaning off the car)!

my favorite conversation of today

me: oh nicole, let's make the world make sense
kansas nicole: how
me: i don't know, force is my guess
kansas nicole: lol

(a close second was where a boy told me i "smell like roses, and have the looks of an angel, and God loves you more than he loves me")

it's been a while, i should prolly update my blog

not much to update with though. this is a week off from school and i've been pretty bored. i want classes to start. i want to do homework. i've been working a lot at the papery, which is good because i am in dire need of some money. no more frivolous living for me. i have learned my lesson. speaking of work, i was pretty sure i was off today but i called to check and they're like "you're not scheduled but do you want to come in for four hours?". if you know me at all, i have a hard time saying no when people need help. but i want to go to work because i actually get out of my room and do something. tired of sitting at my computer or watching t.v. even tired of watching movies *gasp* i know, i know, it's a shocker.

i'm very VERY happy about the snow!!!! can't wait to throw a snowball at someone! let's see, who should be my first target . . .

which would you rather hear first?

bad news = i set up my recorder to record only half an hour instead of a full hour. it was the whole setting it a couple minutes before the show starts business. i saw the seven so i thought the other one was going to be eight when it should have been nine. doesn't really matter if you understand that because . . .

good news = i set my recorder up for the wrong night! my show starts tomorrow. i didn't miss anything!! woohoo!

very glad to have a much happier post! praise God!

ahhh, yes, i had a bad day yesterday. but, thankfully, it did not end poorly. the bit of heartbreak that i added to the list was in reference to the fact that i don't think i'm terribly good at youth ministry and that i may at times have a hard time opening up in foreign countries. the thing is that those are the two key pieces in what i feel is my calling to be an international youth minister. i was more than a bit heartbroken, in fact, i was devastated. i even entertained thoughts of what i could do if i forsook it all and left ministry. (it wasn't much since my degree is in religion and philosophy!) i'm just telling you all this so i could give a good lead-in to how i was cured of such egotistical notions of not being good enough for my call. every night, i try to read the devotional "my utmost for His highest" by oswald chambers before i go to bed. i don't always succeed but fortunately i did last night. and guess what the devotional was about . . . God's calling. it talked about how we forget the nature of the One who calls us. "the call of God is the expression of God's nature, not our nature". but the lines that really hit me were "the call of God is not the echo of my nature; my affinities and personal temperment are not considered. as long as i consider my personal temperment and think about what i am fitted for, i shall never hear the call of God". well, ain't that a kicker. it doesn't matter if i'm good enough for my callling; God still wants me to do it. i tend to believe that God knows and understands a little bit more of the goings-on of this world than i! God really does care about our struggles and He always answers them. sometimes we ignore or don't see the answer but other times it hits us blaringly in the face and all we can say is "praise God".

*sigh*

add a little bit heartbroken to the previous list

today i'm feeling:

bored, ignored, sick to my stomach, and freaking pissed off at the way people drive in new jersey.

that was

quite possibly the worst book i have ever read. i don't know how it ever got published let alone that it is somehow part of a series. horrible, just horrible.

on the up hand, i love tasty kakes.

i know i need to post again . . .

but i don't know what to say. i've been working a lot these past couple days. oh yeah, hey! finals are over!! that's glorious! ready to start the new semester. i'm motivated to do better. speaking of new starts, i started to read a horrible book. i have been advised to just stop reading but for some reason i feel guilty about doing that. i mean, what if it magically gets better?! i doubt this one will but i'm more than halfway through so i will forge on. hmmm, what else . . . i got up early today to get some stuff done and all i've managed to do is eat breakfast and play computer games. bad news = i was about to get my highest score ever on flip words and somehow the game started over while i was typing my answer. i was a little perturbed. even though it is only a game. oh well, maybe that will be the worst thing that happens to me today! and then, i'll have the best day EVER!! apparantly, my optimism is working . . .

don't know what to do . . .

this is the most unmotivated i have ever been. and that's saying a lot.

back to being a real person again

well, i have to go back to work today. it's good though cause "i got no tengo dinero" (kinda sad if you know that song too . . . ). i'm just afraid that my feet are gonna hurt like none other because i'm not used to standing on them for hours anymore. after work, i get to sit for a long time and write a 15-20 page paper. then, finals will be over and i'll get a fresh start!!

yesterday, to celebrate the tuesday that was forgotten, i went to the shore. i wanted to see it snow while i was at the ocean. alas, no snow (even though it was in the forecast) but there was the wintry mix. ice pellets hitting your face is not quite the same effect as snow lightly falling and getting caught on your eyelashes. it's all good though. i love the ocean. i was kinda nervous though when i was walking under flying sea gulls and i'd feel a drop of rain . . .



the shore

new failure = not knowing what day it is

i thought today was wednesday. i got up early because i have to work on wednesday. i was completely and whole-heartedly convinced that this was the middle of the week. much to my surprise, i learn in the bathroom that it really is tuesday. oh this finals schedule is really messing me up!

cocktail anyone?

so, i was looking at random blogs and i found a site on how to figure out your personal cocktail by entering your name.

how to make a ladykyledawn

ingredients: 3 parts success
1 part humour
1 part joy

method: layer ingredients in a shot glass.
serve with a slice of wisdom

and a pinch of salt.

yum!

think you can beat that?! 

what finals can do to people . . .

so, my friend ann had the brilliant idea of creating a new award: messiest room during finals week. i have been to many rooms and ann is unequivocably the winner!! congratulations ann . . . keep up the good work! (she even has a messy ponytail to match her messy room. i mean, it can't get better than that.)

(p.s. couldn't figure out how to post two pictures for the same blog entry in case you were wondering why the pics are on two different posts . . . and then the picture kept messing up so i couldn't even put this entry on the same post as a picture. dumb picture sender program thingy!)

new award = messiest room during finals 

my impression of my first final at princeton theological seminary

the test was designed to take two hours. we were given three hours to complete it. i finished in less than one hour. either i knew what i was talking about or i totally bombed. oh well. don't care either way. it's over. love that we get to talk about Jesus now. i mean, i love all of the holy scriptures but i, like most people, can relate better to the new testament. so, now, on to studying for greek and writing papers . . .

HA! like that's going to happen today but my good intentions never die young.

p.s.

i love how everyone at princeton's most recent blog posts are about studying!

also, love this cartoon.

it's study time, alas

well, my nicole has started her trek back to kansas. we had a great time while she was here! on wednesday (after philadelphia with the huge traffic jam), we decided to go to the movie 'finding neverland'. we both really enjoyed it and cried sufficiently. yesterday, we stayed around princeton and i showed her some sites. we went to the university and i didn't really know how to give the tour because i don't know which buildings are which. so, it was basically "here's the book store, here's a pretty building, here's the famous tigers, another pretty building, the chapel, pretty building, etc." it was kinda funny when we had an argument about where 'a beautiful mind' was filmed. i won, of course. then we ate at the annex restaurant. it was good. very nice establishment (fancier than i thought it would be) with very reasonable prices. next we went shopping downtown. highlights = landau's, lindt chocolate, the papery, and halo pub. finally, went to the tba and got some princeton seminary merch. all this in the stinking rain!! then, because nicole has fallen in love with dsw, we made a mad dash there. we seriously had about seven minutes to look around before we had to leave. that's okay. seven minutes is long enough to find the coolest zebra stocking hat in the world! not to hard to convince nicole to get that one!

we went to the russian orthodox church in rahway for a christmas eve service (some orthodox churches are on a different calendar than other christians so christmas is thirteen days later). we had a traditional russian christmas eve meal first. lots of horseradish, cabbage, and fish. but there were some manageably palatable items! had my first taste of garlic and honey. no matter what, garlic is always going to overpower honey . . . just so you know! the service at the church was very good. i was glad that there was more sitting than the last time i went because i was dumb and wore boots with a heel that hurt the heckfire out of my feet. on our way back from rahway, there was another traffic jam. we decided that nicole brings rain and traffic jams! to finish out the evening, we went downstairs to have some hot chocolate and schnapps and watch 'almost famous'. good times, good times.

today, i took her to the airport. luckily, we were able to stop at mcdonald's for breakfast. love mcdonald's breakfast!! made it there with no traffic jams or rain, thank goodness. now she is either in atlanta eating ben and jerry's or on her way from there to icy wichita. i must study now for my scary old testament final. study all day. study all night. hopefully manage better than i did on the midterm. if you are in princeton, please help me not to get distracted, if possible, i know that is an insanely huge task;)

(p.s. lots of links on this post because linking is a great way to procrastinate once the blog entry is finished!)

oh boy . . .

why do i always wait so long to post when i have a million cool things to talk about.

first, my friend nicole and i made it back from kansas in good form. we arrived at five a.m. on the third. we stopped in kentucky to see our good friend andrew. we spent a long time in virginia because of an accident on the highway. i'm glad that i don't have any more days of driving twelve to fifteen hours in my near future.

first day nicole was here we spent our time cleaning my room. doesn't that sound like i'm an entertaining hostess?! i did take her on a driving tour of princeton. and, we got dinner at hoagie haven with larissa and nicole h. we had a grand ol' time eating dinner in the oratory (lots of christmas cookies and quite an interesting book you should ask larissa about!).

yesterday, we went to new york city. that was a great time!! first thing we did when we got there was walk from penn station to times square. we stopped in at the hershey's store and then made our way to central park. (we walked thirty blocks in our first hour there . . . awesome, huh?!) we took a carriage ride through central park and then we went to the zoo. we made a stop in the plaza hotel so i could see the luxury that kevin had in home alone 2. then we went to a restaurant off of fifth street called mcann's. i was a high maintenance diner during that lunch. next we made our way to rockefeller center, after stopping in at louis vuitton and tiffany's. we went ice skating in rockefeller center . . . one more thing off my list! it was my first time ice skating and it is hard but i did get better during our hour and half. my first reaction when i step onto the ice = "it's slippery!". i'm a genius. then, we met up with our friends mark, shan, and segar. (mark's dad works in new york so he was visiting and then shan and segar were visiting mark on one of their millions of trips!) funny thing, we're in new york city and we can't figure out what to do! we walked to time square to the tkts booth to see if there were any shows we wanted to see but none really caught our eye. oh, before that we were accosted by a guy selling tickets to an improv show. he told some questionable jokes. well, we decided to make our way to greenwich village. we went to union square and shopped and ate. love that there was an eating establishment that served pizza/italian and chinese food all in the same place. then we walked to greenwich village where most everything was closed. it surprises me how early things close in the city that never sleeps. jenny called me while i was in greenwich village and we had a coast to coast conversation. after that, we were all tired and we made our ways to our respective homes. it was good to see my friends from sc!

now, i have to go to a study session for ot. (this is me being an entertaining hostess again!) then, we're going to eat at the annex and go to philadelphia to pick up jenny and joanne.

have a lovely day!

on the road again . . .

i can never pass up an opportunity to sing some willy nelson!! that's right, i am beginning the long trek back to princeton. twenty-five hours in a car here i come!!! it's all good cause my friend nicole is along for the ride this time. much entertainment will ensue i'm sure. i got up at 5:47 this morning (ugh!) so i didn't get to party to ring in the new year. i did watch some celebrity poker showdown though. love that bravo channel! wish we got it at princeton. well, in typical kyle fashion, i can never fall asleep when something big/important/need-to-get-sleep-the-night-before happens. so, i was awake when the new year rolled on in, even though i didn't intend to be.

okay, must needs to get started. much love to you in this new year!!