i'm an automotive genius!

well, not really. but i feel like i did a lot of nice things for my car today.

it all started when i kicked the fuse for my turn signals out again. seriously, who puts the fuse box right by the driver's feet?! usually i just reach down and plug it back in. well, this time, i broke the dang fuse. so this afternoon, i made a little trip to pepboys to find another fuse and get some suggestions on how to get the piece that was still stuck in there out.

i had no problem finding the fuse i needed. this is where i felt like a genius. a.) because i knew i needed a new fuse b.) because i knew where to look in my driver's manual for the information c.) because i even checked to make sure i didn't already have a spare d.) i found the fuse aisle and correct fuse without having to ask anyone in the store

but i didn't have any cash. and i didn't want to charge a measly $2. so, i went looking around for other things to make leon (that's my car) happy. i decided to get some fuel injector and carbeurator cleaner that will also help my gas mileage. i got some de-icing winshield wiper fluid. i've been longing for it all winter! and i got a fancy new fuzzy steering wheel cover. personally, i often think that steering wheel covers look tacky. definitely my new one does. but, it's just so soft!

then, i went to the parking lot and was able to add the fuel stuff (that was the easiest part), add winshield wiper fluid (which i had never done but found quite easy), and change my fuse. turns out i could just pull the stuck part out with my nails. and i put the extra fuse (because they come in packs of 2) in the neat little spot just for extra fuses.

i feel quite accomplished.

i was so excited that i decided i would get my oil changed too because i was long overdue. but when i pull in to jiffy lube, they are closed. sad. i'll do that tomorrow.

all this to say that i think my dad would be proud of me. but if i told him, he would probably act quite unimpressed and ask me why i didn't do any of this sooner. deep down though, i know he'd be proud.

i've been doing some math...

all aboard!

i'm part of the crew! j.crew that is. that's right friends, you're looking at a lady who has a job. i'm going in tomorrow to fill out my paperwork. i'm so excited! thanks very much to emily! she's basically the reason i got the job. the manager said he took her recommendation "very seriously". don't worry emily, i won't let you down!

now, where did i put that pesky social security card...

i'm so very proud

let me tell you about my friend taggart wall. taggart is in the youth group at tisdale umc, where i was an intern for three years. he is really turning out to be a remarkable person. he is a senior in high school and has discerned a call to ministry (this was something he was already realizing when he was in middle school!). taggart is running to be on the winfield city commission. i'm amazed and truly impressed. please read this article about him. honestly, i'm so proud i almost cried. if i have any winfield residents that read this blog, please go vote for taggart!

theophanies...

i would like everyone to note that i have added a link to my good friend rachel pennington's blog! read on, blog lovers, read on!

congestion of the heart

last night i had the opportunity to go to the matt redman, louie giglio and chris tomlin concert. it had been so long since i have gone to anything like this. many of my college days were spent seeking this kind of event. this time, it just fell into my lap. i got to work with star 99.1 (a christian radio station). i just had to work at one of their tables for an hour in exchange for a concert ticket. it was pretty cool (except that i ended up working an hour and a half missing louie altogether and missing some great chris tomlin songs that i could hear wafting up the stairs). the funny thing is that i've been so spiritually dry lately, and i've admitted this and want to work on it, that i thought this might be a great jumpstart. i remember fondly the days from high school and college when i would go to a concert and joyously have that strange heartwarming experience that wesleyans hold so dear. i really was hoping this would happen last night.

but as the concert started, i realized how cynical i have become. instead of appreciating those worshipping around me, i was internally criticizing them. i mean, how could they almost instantaneously be so drawn in to worship that they were raising their hands and closing their eyes on the first song! and yet, i used to do that. i miss it. while i was standing there with my hands in my pockets, i really did try to get honest with God. i really did want to have my heart become free of whatever was congesting it. i wanted to worship. i just have simply forgotten how.

it may be that if i had been there on the floor for the entire concert, including louie's talk, that i would have eventually found the way to let go of whatever was inhibiting me. but, i had to leave an hour into it to work the table. not to say that i begrudge my responsibilities. i was very happy to work at the table. and i am grateful to have gone to as much of the concert i did. i am especially glad to have talked with some of the people i talked with. to see that there are still people who live their lives with God always at the forefront of their mind. that is beautiful. i want that. not the theology of God at the forefront of my mind, but God.

today in class we were learning about the great c.s. lewis. it was all quite interesting. but nothing really hit me until dr. osmer read one of jack's quotes (i feel as though this bit of connection allows me to call lewis by his preferred name of jack!).

an obligation to feel can freeze feeling
and reverence itself did harm

i have been struggling with an obligation to feel for almost all of my time at seminary. and i have found that my feelings have really been frozen. i don't know if reverence has done harm rather that i have forgotten how to revere.

as i was thinking about writing this post, i thought all my true feelings and points of enlightenment would just flow from my fingers. but so far, i've only been able to type the points that i had already thought out in my head. and though i wanted to feel more relief in putting out there what i have been thinking and hopefully to make myself vulnerable enough to take away some of the congestion, i feel the same. i think this may be a step. or it could be me again trying to force feeling. i don't know. there's just one more thing i think i should say about my latest revelations.

i know that i'm not living my life as i had intended. it's become so much about me. i want to go places. i want to buy things. i want to graduate seminary. i want to have a lot of friends. i want to do what makes me feel good. i want to be recognized for things i've done. i want to go back to how it used to be. i want to be an autonomous person. i want to depend solely on me. i. i. i. it's always 'i' now. what about what God wants? i have to figure out how to stop starting with 'i' and begin starting with God.

Lord, help me remember.

warm love (or, how i spent my valentine's day)

because i know you all are dying to hear how i decided to spend my valentine's day after my huge quandary, here's what i did:

i went to see the movie "music and lyrics" by myself. i purposely went to an early showing so i wouldn't encounter any couples on their valentine's date. for a split second i wondered if i was the only one that would go to a romantic movie so early but i was pleasantly surprised at how full the theater was!

then i went to the gym with my roomie and watched the movie "serendipity" at the cardio cinema. i had been wanting to see that again since i actually went to the serendipity cafe last fall. and i just love john cusack.

then i went to chuck e. cheese to meet penny, emily, jenny, katy and joy (wow, all their names end in y! don't know why i think that is so neat, but i do). it was a really good time to just have fun with a bunch of awesome girls and dance and play games.

and for the whole day, my soundtrack was provided by the lovely van morrison. i think i listened to the song "warm love" about a million times. it's on my list of my favorite love songs/songs about love (because there is a distinction). i started a playlist on my itunes a couple months ago with love songs that i adore. not just any love songs, but ones that are particularly meaningful to me and i hope someday i would have someone to play that list for. oh gosh, that made me sound completely losery. oh well, i'll admit it, i'm a big sap. hopeless romantic. i don't care who knows it! i'm even feeling the need to post the songs that are on my list (mostly because i'm listening to it right now). so here they are in no particular order:

• someone to watch over me - blossom dearie
• table for two - caedmon's call
• when i fall in love - carmen mcrae
• pledge - chris rhoads
• and i love you so - don mclean
• your song - elton john
• love me tender - elvis
• can't help falling in love - elvis
• annie's song - john denver
• you send me - sam cooke (this was the first song on the list)
• love divine, all loves excelling - written by charles wesley (so not exactly a romantic love song but one of my absolute favorite songs about love ever)
• i'll have to say i love you in a song - jim croce
• warm love - van morrison

now i shall go watch american idol and then maybe watch mr. and mrs. smith. although, i don't know how i feel about watching a movie that led to the dissolvement of a marriage on valentine's day. we'll see. maybe i should just read my science fiction homework.

i hope everyone had a lovely valentine's day (if you wanted to)!

reflections on this valentine's day

today turned out to be a snow day for the school. and while i'm happy for all the other students, it's not particularly thrilling for me since i don't have classes on wednesday anyway.

because i knew i wouldn't be at school today, i did decide to wear my red sweater and shoes yesterday in a pre-celebration. and, i also attended a fabulous party last night in pre-celebration!

but, my plans for today have been thwarted. i was going to take myself on a date to new york city but apparently the roads are bad, the trains are slow and it's not terribly safe to walk in the city.

now, i don't know what to do to make this day special. because you see, i am not a hater. i do not think this is black wednesday. really, i love holidays no matter how commercial they have become. it just brings joy to my life. i think i get this from my mom. she's a sucker for a holiday too. this year my mom sent me a little extra cash so i could do something or get something special because of valentine's day. i had thought i would put it to good use by going to a show in nyc but now i don't know what to do. i am in a valentine quandary. any suggestions?

i could use the day to relax and do nothing but i feel like that's not particularly special, especially since i could do that any wednesday. i could spend my time looking for a job, and i will actually fill out some applications, but that's not very valentinesy. i will probably go out to chuck e. cheese's with the girls tonight. but i just want to feel festive all day long and i don't know how yet.

but don't worry, i have faith in my holiday celebrating abilities! i will think of something! and i'll let you all know, eventually, how i celebrate this day of love!

a few of my favorite things

i would like to introduce you to my acorn slippers. they are amazing.

i got them at a fantastically discounted price this summer from one of the acadia stores. some of the best money i've ever spent, i think. if i'm not wearing shoes, these are on my feet. they are especially nice to wear when i go to the movies.

for a couple days this week, i realized how much i love and depend on them. i lost them. i couldn't find them in the mess that is my room. i was quite disheartened. it even got to the point that i had to get out a pair of old slippers for my cold, cold feet. and alas, those other slippers just do not compare to the warmth, comfort and versatility of my acorns.

finally i have recovered them! they were sneakily hiding under my bed. really, that might have been the first place i looked but i was so distraught about not having them that i couldn't think clearly.

so now, my feet are toasty and happy. thank you acorn slippers.

proud new owner

i just entered the apple world. i am now the proud new owner of a personalized lime green ipod shuffle. it's so cute! i devoted part of my afternoon to deciding which songs get to grace the playlist.

i sold one!

thank you patience! isn't it great that her name is patience?! how perfect!

my newses

i've decided to try my hand at this selling books online thing. i chose to go with half.com because that's where i usually find the books i want to buy. i'm thinking that if this actually works, it will be quite the bonus to my checking account. currently i have $358.15 worth of books listed. but i'm an impatient person. i want someone to buy them all now. and though i didn't expect to sell one over night, especially since people probably aren't looking for textbooks anymore, i was shocked SHOCKED when i went to my account and there were no sales. i just thought since i decided to try something new, everyone else would be as excited and buy everything i'm selling. maybe it's better if it goes slowly ... if i got that amount of money right away, i would probably scour everything i own and try to sell it online! to any who have done this before, what has been your experience? does it usually take quite a while?

in other news, i haven't been hired yet. i don't think my interview went terribly well on thursday. but i don't really know. it only lasted about 5 minutes. the guy hardly asked me anything and was so surprised that i didn't have more questions. i wanted to tell him that i would have tons if he hired me! he said they hire on personality and not experience. how can he judge my personality in five minutes? i don't know. i think my schedule might be a problem. he wasn't too keen that i wanted a week off in march and the summer off. let's hope it went better than i thought it did. i'm still waiting to hear from another promising restaurant that said they would probably call me this week. meanwhile, i'll soak up my free time while i can!

i have a job interview!

i can't believe how fast it happened! i turned in my application yesterday around 4:00 and the guy called me back at 8:00 to schedule an interview. well, i wasn't here to answer because i was on my way to do free laundry and watch american idol with a friend. but i just spoke with him on the phone and i have an interview tomorrow! i kinda feel like i would jinx something if i say where it is, which is totally silly and ridiculous, but i will tell you if i get the job! i can't wait to be employed again! (not that i've minded all my free time so far!)